Non-Americans won’t get to vote for or against Donald Trump this November, but unlike most Americans, they can vote (with their wallets) on what comes out of his mouth.
Trump will give the biggest speech of his young political career Thursday night, on the fourth and final day of what has been a highly entertaining (for all the wrong reasons) Republican National Convention, less a political rally than an epic shitshow of dysfunctionality.
Monday began with RNC officials denying the Never Trump holdouts their right to put their dissent on the public record, thereby ensuring a much greater story than if the party brass had simply let the dead-enders engage in their movement’s pointless symbolism.
Ditto with Monday’s Michelle Obama-plagiarizing speech by Trump’s ex-model wife Melania, a fiasco that the Trump campaign could have nipped in the bud within the hour by throwing an unknown speechwriter under the bus. Instead, they spent 48 hours denying that water is wet, only changing course when they realized that most (but probably not all) of Trump’s supporters had indoor plumbing.
On Tuesday, former GOP presidential aspirant Chris Christie held a not-at-all creepy Salem witch trial of Trump’s opponent Hillary Clinton while fellow nominee wannabe Ben Carson unironically suggested that a vote for Hillary was a vote for Lucifer … although come to think of it, she still hasn’t named her running mate. Hmmmm…
On Wednesday, the New York Times printed an interview in which Trump suggested his administration wouldn’t come to the aid of NATO members if they were attacked by Russia, thereby undercutting the litany of RNC speakers who’d claimed Hillary’s tenure as Secretary of State had allowed Vladimir Putin to run amok in eastern Europe. Typically, Trump’s campaign claimed their boy had been misquoted (see: water = wet, above), so the Times released the transcript.
Wednesday also saw some unfortunate optics by everyone’s favorite female firebrand Laura Ingraham, who closed off her rabble-rousing speech by acknowledging the crowd with a ‘wave’ that wouldn’t have looked out of place at any respectable cross-burning ceremony.
Then Ted Cruz refused to endorse Trump during the Texas senator’s RNC speech, which showed he still hasn’t forgiven Trump for suggesting that Cruz’s wife Heidi was a definite ‘swipe left’ on Tinder while everyone with a pulse wanted to dip their quill in Melania’s inkpot. The ensuing brouhaha ensured that the night’s main speech by Trump’s running mate Mike Pence ended up buried deep down in the day’s coverage.
And so all that’s left is for Trump to give his ‘yuuuge’ speech Thursday night. Sadly, in a bid to keep Trump’s suspiciously tiny feet out of his mouth, his campaign will insist on him using the teleprompter technology he’d consistently derided when used by other pols, but on which he has relied when his speeches will be viewed by anyone outside his committed band of old white followers.
As a result, we’re not likely to get some of the more entertaining ad-libs he has blessed us with over the past year, such as observations on Megyn Kelly’s menstrual cycle, the mocking of the disabled, calling Mexicans rapists and suggesting his audience physically attack dissenters. Yeah… good times.
So what will he say, and are you willing to wager on it? If the latter appeals to your sporting sense, the oddsmakers at Bodog.com have selected a variety of names, phrases and buzzwords that are likely (or not) to spew from Drumpf’s mouth. Enjoy…
Donald Trump Acceptance Speech Props
Trump says: “Black lives matter”
Yes +175 (7/4)
No -250 (2/5)
Trump says: “China” 2 or more times
Yes +120 (6/5)
No -160 (5/8)
Trump says: “Crooked Hillary”
Yes -180 (5/9)
No +140 (7/5)
Trump says: “Erdogan”
Yes +200 (2/1)
No -300 (1/3)
Trump says: “LeBron James”
Yes +150 (3/2)
No -200 (1/2)
Trump says: “Lying Ted”
Yes -220 (5/11)
No +160 (8/5)
Trump says: “NAFTA”
Yes +175 (7/4)
No -250 (2/5)
Trump says: “Obamacare”
Yes -700 (1/7)
No +400 (4/1)
Trump says: “Stephen Colbert”
Yes +200 (2/1)
No -300 (1/3)
Who will Trump mention first?
Hillary Clinton -700 (1/7)
Bernie Sanders +400 (4/1)
