SPORTS

Homecoming parade

TAGs: England, Fabio Capello, Soccer, wembley

wembley racingBy all accounts England’s friendly tonight has become the cool thing to hate since people realised that it’s before the Premier League season starts, and there’s been more pull outs than a couple who can’t afford condoms as a form of contraception, but after all the attempts to scupper the friendly between England and Hungary it takes place tonight.

It’s expected that England fans will be extremely good sports and unceremoniously boo the World Cup stars who stand before them on the green stuff which masquerades itself as turf, however, forgive me for suggesting it, surely there’s more ways to express your displeasure than booing. I’d stop short of launching a machete attack on central defender John Terry, nonetheless there’s plenty more acts that could be committed to express displeasure at the 11 players.

One idea would be to take a leaf from Italian club Lazio’s book, where fans deliberately don’t watch, say, the first 20 minutes of the game in order to get their opinion across. Imagine Stevie G et al marching out into an empty stadium, save the smattering of Hungarians and corporates, and you actually having to hear JT’s luscious tones singing the national anthem. Would be more off-putting than booing, I tell you that for free.

Also how about going the other way, by ardently cheering on the team however much you hate them. Imagine the confusion that will be buzzing around young Ashley Cole’s head when he is roundly cheered for every touch of the ball he takes. Psychological torture – that’s what England fans should be all about. Rooney apparently thrives on being booed by people in the stands, so piss him off by cheering him.

Lastly is the crowning glory. It’s going to be on top of every kid’s Christmas list; this year’s Teletubby, Tamagotchi, PS3, and it will piss you off more than all those combined: the Vuvuzela. But you should really have had your order in before today if you’re attending tonight’s extravaganza at Wembley. The national stadium is yet to put in a ban on the South African instrument meaning they can be brought into tonight’s game with Hungary.

The FA being fun? If this is confusing for you then that’s understandable as it’s not their usual standpoint on the issue. However in relation to royally pissing off the England team what better than a Vuvuzela? It did a bloody good number on them in the World Cup this summer, and with 90…no sorry 50,000 inside the stadium tonight blowing on them horns as if a hooker giving JT some pleasure, it may dissuade some of them from the England cause for good.

So if, like me, you were intrigued enough by the cheap tickets to attend the game, then follow one of these strategies above to cause a rumpus and maybe even receive a tongue-lashing from one of the players themselves.

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