After six weeks, the Premier League is beginning to take a familiar shape with five of the perennial big six taking their usual places at the top of the charts.
Man City 5 v 0 Crystal Palace
The flares are in the air.
Crystal Palace is in serious trouble, and Roy Hodgson is a masochist.
After their 5-0 thrashing in Manchester on the weekend, Palace is now the only club in Europe’s top divisions yet to score a goal in their first six matches. It’s also a Premier League record, and with ties against Man Utd and Chelsea to come, it’s going to keep on looking more spectacular.
Palace began brightly; Ruben Loftus-Cheek nearly opened the scoring after a neat move and shot saw his effort rebound off the post, and it wasn’t until a minute before half-time that City took the lead. Leroy Sane playing a fantastic one-two with Kevin de Bruyne before bringing the ball down from the air and applying the deftest of touches.
Then the floodgates opened.
Raheem Sterling put the result beyond any doubt with two tap-ins in the 51st and 59th minute, his fifth goal in the past four games, the same tally as in his previous 31.
Sergio Aguero got his goal after putting away a pinpoint cross from Sane, and Fabian Delph reminded everyone that he still plays football with a screamer in the last minute of the game.
City, who have now scored 22 goals in their past five matches, face Shakhtar Donetsk on Tuesday, before travelling to Chelsea on the weekend.
“We’ll see how much progress we have made when we play the champions,” said Pep Guardiola.
Crystal Palace won’t be playing Champions League in midweek, or this century for that matter, but they will return to Manchester to face the red half of the city on the weekend.
Southampton 0 v 1 Man Utd
Man City remained in the top spot after the Crystal Palace crucifixion, and Man Utd stay in the number two spot after beating Southampton by a goal to nil at St Mary’s.
The contest’s only goal came in the 20th minute, and who else but the Belgian with the 24-inch penis, Romelu Lukaku, jabbing the ball into the net. It was his sixth Premier League goal of the season, making him the joint top scorer alongside Sergio Aguero and Alvaro Morata, and after the game, he implored the fans to move on from their terrace chant about the bellend that goes to his toes.
Southampton played well, but have now failed to score in five games in all competitions this season. It’s a problem for Mauricio Pellegrino, and an unnecessary one with the likes of Manolo Gabbiadini and Charlie Austin in the side.
Come on lads, pull your socks up.
Oh, I nearly forget.
Craig Pawson sent Jose Mourinho off in injury time for encroaching onto the pitch, a decision that deserves a beating with a large blunt object.
Romelu, can you think of anything we can use?
Stoke 0 v 4 Chelsea
The Champions recorded their fourth win of the campaign with a comfortable victory at the Brittania Stadium. I honestly thought Stoke could upset Chelsea, How wrong I was.
In a week that saw Diego Costa finally make a move back to Atletico Madrid, the man brought in to replace him scored his fourth, fifth and sixth goals of the season.
Before this game, Alvaro Morata’s three goals and two assists have all been headers, but against Stoke, all three goals were with his feet. Pedro scored the game’s other goal in the 30th minute. Only Diego Costa (29 goals) has been involved in more goals than Pedro in 2016/17 (15 goals and 12 assists).
It was Chelsea’s third successive away win and eight in their past nine games. Stoke has now failed to beat a top-six side in nine of their last eleven meetings.
Spurs And Liverpool Create a Familiar Top Five
Spurs and Liverpool each won to create a familiar looking Top 5. Harry Kane inspired Spurs to a 3-2 win at the London Stadium against West Ham with a brace. Kane could have had a hat-trick, hitting the post twice, Dele Alli scored the other goal. West Ham scored two late goals through Javier Hernandez and Cheikhou Kouyate, but Spurs held on to move into the fourth spot.
Liverpool takes the fifth spot after coming out on top of their own five-goal thriller at the King Power Stadium. Philippe Coutinho marked his return to the side with an assist for Mohamed Salah’s opener, before scoring a trademark free-kick to make it 2-0.
Leicester pulled a goal back from the toe of Shinji Okazaki, but Jordan Henderson lengthened the lead soon afterwards. Jamie Vardy pulled a goal back with a close-range header, and should have equalised, but failed to score from the penalty spot after rifling the ball straight at Simon Mignolet.
At The Bottom End of Things
Bournemouth joined Crystal Palace and West Ham in the bottom three. The Cherries got off the mark last week with a 2-1 win over Brighton and looked more likely to emerge from Goodison Park with three points than the hosts Everton.
Josh King opened the scoring in the 49th minute with a delightful run and low drive, but Oumar Niasse came on late for Everton to snatch the points with goals in the 77th and 82nd minute.
Brighton moved out of the bottom three with a 1-0 win over in-form Newcastle. Tomer Hemed scoring from six yards to give the Seagulls a precious three points against the Magpies.
Here are the rest of the weekend’s results:
Premier League Week 6 Results
West Ham 2 v 3 Spurs
Burnley 0 v 0 Huddersfield
Everton 2 v 1 Bournemouth
Man City 5 v 0 Crystal Palace
Southampton 0 v 1 Man Utd
Swansea 1 v 2 Watford
Stoke 0 v 4 Chelsea
Leicester 2 v 3 Liverpool
Brighton 1 v 0 Newcastle
Arsenal 2 v 0 West Brom
Premier League Table (Week 6)
1. Man City – 16 pts
2. Man Utd – 16
3. Chelsea – 13
4. Spurs – 11
5. Liverpool – 11
6. Watford – 11
7. Arsenal – 10
8. Huddersfield – 9
9. Burnley – 9
10. Newcastle – 9
11. Southampton – 8
12. West Brom – 8
13. Brighton – 7
14. Everton – 7
15. Swansea – 5
16. Stoke – 5
17. Leicester – 4
18. West Ham – 4
19. Bournemouth – 3
20. Crystal Palace – 0
Premier League Title Winning Odds (Courtesy of Oddsshark)
Man City – 10/11
Man Utd 11/4
Chelsea – 11/2
Spurs – 16/1
