Get the missus something nice for Christmas or give up gambling

superbowl-pool-angry-wifeAttention gambling guys: the window is rapidly closing, but it’s still not too late to get out to the mall to grab your significant other a suitably flash present to go under the tree this Christmas. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but materially disappointed women are also capable of some pretty hellacious behavior and their vengeful ways can often hit a gambling fan where it hurts most.

Case in point: a New York woman recently brought down a Staten Island bar’s Super Bowl football pool, wiping out $600k in wagers on the sporting calendar’s signature event. This week, the New York Post reported that the unidentified spouse of a football betting man contacted the State Liquor Authority (SLA) demanding to know why they would allow the Talk of the Town saloon to conduct its football pool, as her husband “spends all his money on these pools and not on our children.”

The Talk of the Town is far from the only local liquor dispensary that offers Super Bowl pool betting and the authorities have traditionally looked the other way at what most sane people view as fairly harmless activity. But following the Manic Missus’ letter, the (presumably) married men at the SLA promptly leaped into action, descending on the Talk of the Town just as it was conducting its Christmas party. The officials took photos of the saloon’s multiple pool boards, on which squares were available for prices ranging from $500 up to $2k apiece. The SLA is still debating whether to slap saloon owner Larry Burkert with a $2.5k fine for the illegal wagering, while Burkert is likely debating whether to banish the hubby’s arse from ever shining a Talk of the Town barstool ever again.

Then again, Burkert got off lightly compared to the proprietors of a gambling den in Bangladesh. According to the Dhaka Tribune, a group of housewives, irate over their inability to prevent their husbands from gathering at the local den of iniquity to gamble and “take hemp,” decided to spark up their own doobie o’ destruction by setting the joint afire. Fortunately for owner Sirajul Islam, all his customers managed to make it out alive, although their ordeal was likely only beginning as they went from fire to frying pan (or any other blunt cooking utensils the angry women might have been brandishing).

So seriously, guys… If you want your lady to tolerate your gambling ways, a Whitman’s Sampler ain’t going to cut it this year.