Embattled Toronto mayor Rob Ford says female football bettors base their picks on which players they’d like to schtup. Ford offered this observation on Thursday during his debut appearance on the Sports Junkies morning show on Washington, DC radio station WJFK-FM. The radio stint was all the more appropriate considering it came just one day after Toronto police released new transcripts of gang members’ phone calls in which they claimed Ford wasn’t just a big crack cocaine fan, but also enjoyed heroin. Is it significant then that Ford continues to publicly insist that he is not addicted to crack cocaine, but he’s never denied being a junkie?
Anyway, back to chicks and football. Ford’s appearance on the Sports Junkies show was ostensibly based on his willingness to offer prognostications on the coming week’s National Football League action, on which the mayor claims to routinely wager via the Ontario provincial lottery corporation’s Pro-Line parlay wagering product. While Ford insisted that he doesn’t “deal with a bookie,” he admitted to participating in a city hall office pool, which technically represents illegal wagering, but hey, show us a Canadian law Ford has yet to break, right?
Asked by the Sports Junkies hosts whether it bothered him when women win the office pool, Ford acknowledged that “women up here win all the time.” Ford said “I know” to the hosts’ suggestion that female bettors don’t know anything about sports, “but they just choose the cutest guy, who looks best in their tights and that’s how they pick ‘em. And they win.” This has echoes of the Cheers episode in which Diane trounced Sam in the bar’s football pool, based on her keen understanding of the animal kingdom. “A Bear vs. a Dolphin? I mean, that’s not even a fair fight.”
JP Boutros, an advisor to Toronto city councilor Karen Stintz, responded to Ford’s comments by tweeting a photo of two office pool pick sheets from last year showing Stintz correctly picking nine out of 11 games while Ford’s sheet contained only two winners. Boutros maintained that Stintz “was playing with house money Week4 on.” Having already proven superior to Ford on the betting sheet, Stintz is now preparing to challenge Ford in his 2014 reelection campaign. But given the fact that Ford’s popularity in T.O. has inexplicably risen since his crack smoking admission, Stintz will need to find her own drug dependency… Let’s see, crack and heroin are taken, so guess that just leaves meth, bath salts or maybe this new Krokodil stuff from Russia.
Ford also weighed in on the longstanding controversy surrounding the underlying racism in the Washington Redskins name. Ford suggested the controversy was much ado about nothing, wondering if other teams would face similar attacks. “What are we going to call them next, the Cleveland Aboriginals?” In irrefutable proof that there is a God, Ford has agreed to make his Sports Junkies appearance a regular weekly fixture.
As for that infamous video of Ford demonstrating his inability to walk backward without falling on his ass, Ford explained that his high school football career didn’t require him to move all that much. “I’m not a quarterback. I was a center.” And his future radio appearances will ensure that Ford remains the center of the media universe for a while longer, at least until a video surfaces of him passed out in his office washroom with a hypodermic still lodged in his forearm, after which he’ll likely announce his candidacy for Prime Minister.
