Listen, I don’t know what the hell is going on. We’re looking at an AFC Wild Card playoff round that’s going to star Matt McGloin, Tom Savage and Matt Moore. What is happening here?!
Just so everyone knows, all the games are on New Years Day with the night game being flexed to a divisional title matchup between Green Bay and Detroit. Week 17 usually doesn’t ever mean much, and I’m not sure if this one will either. I’m in the same boat as most of you are – I just wan to get to championship weekend, enjoy the Super Bowl and then pretend that this season never happened.
1. New England Patriots (13-2 SU and 12-3 ATS)
Everyone in New England is making a big push for Tom Brady as the MVP of the league, but you’re going to be hard pressed to get Roger Goodell to sign off on that. Oh you don’t think he would flex his muscle to block that award? Get real.
Next Game: New England -9.5 at Miami
2. Dallas Cowboys (13-2 SU and 10-5 ATS)
Ezekiel Elliot is now in line to be the actual Rookie of the Year and MVP for the first time ever. He needs 178 yards in Week 17 to beat Eric Dickerson for the all-time rushing record, and just 6 other yards to crest 2,000 total yards combined. It’s an absurd amount of production regardless of how good his offensive line is. He still did it.
Next Game: Dallas at Philadelphia
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (10-5 SU and 9-6 ATS)
Of all the incredible highlights we’ve seen this season, Antonio Brown reaching for the endzone and scoring after he got crunched by three Baltimore defenders is the best play of the year. It’s seriously taken the entire AFC crumbling to dust for the Pittsburgh Steelers to be anointed a real Super Bowl contender, but here we are.
Next Game: Cleveland at Pittsburgh -7.0
4. Kansas City Chiefs (11-4 SU and 8-7 ATS)
The biggest mistake the Chiefs made in handing Denver their own ass in a 33-10 beatdown wasn’t the Dontari Poe touchdown jump pass. It was showing the rest of the AFC exactly how they intend to use Tyreke Hill. As fast he is, he’s not a guy who can break through tackles. And defenders absolutely love smashing him.
Next Game: Kansas -4.5 at San Diego
5. Green Bay Packers (9-6 SU and 8-6-1 ATS)
Just a note to the rest of the NFC teams in the playoffs: covering Jordy Nelson with someone under the age of 38 is probably your best bet.
Next Game: Green Bay at Detroit (Sunday Night)
6. Oakland Raiders (12-3 SU and 10-5 ATS)
Brutal. Absolutely brutal.
Next Game: Oakland at Denver -2.5
7. Atlanta Falcons (10-5 SU and ATS)
I have no desire to put Atlanta this high. They’ve dismantled the Rams, Niners and Panthers in three blowout losses with a +24.3 point differential. And I have no idea how good that makes them. I trust Matty Ice in a real football game of massive consequence about as much as I trust Mark Sanchez.
Next Game: New Orleans at Atlanta -6.5
8. Seattle Seahawks (9-5-1 SU and 8-7 ATS)
Nobody is scared of the Seahawks without Earl Thomas. This team has always been a sum of their parts type of deal, and they’re missing perhaps the most important player on their defence. They just don’t have the same “oomph” and were completely exposed by a Cardinals offence that has been dead to rights for much of the season.
Next Game: Seattle -9.5 at San Francisco
9. New York Giants (10-5 SU and 8-6-1 ATS)
People wanted to throw shade at Odell Beckham for having a mini meltdown after the team’s loss to Philadelphia. I hate that line of thinking. You want your best players to be painfully competitive. This is how sports works. Would you prefer him any more or less if he all “awww shucks” about it?
Next Game: NYG at Washington -7.5
10. Detroit Lions (9-6 SU and 8-7 ATS)
Even when Detroit established a good run game, Matthew Stafford couldn’t put together a coherent passing attack. Anyone banking on the idea of Detroit sneaking past Green Bay to win the division has to be hallucinating. It’s not happening.
Next Game: Green Bay at Detroit (Sunday Night)
11. Washington Redskins (8-6-1 SU and 10-5 ATS)
Add this to the list of weird Kirk Cousins factoids that he’s compiled over the last two seasons: he’s the only quarterback in 2016 to run for multiple rushing touchdowns In a game. Did you know that he’s also ranked second in the league in passing yards? How he’s not worth a decent extension is beyond me.
Next Game: NYG at Washington -7.5
12. New Orleans Saints (7-8 SU and 10-5 ATS)
The worst part about New Orleans’ seasons is that their 8 losses have been by an average of -6.0 points. Four of those losses have been by three points or less as well.
Next Game: New Orleans at Atlanta -6.5
13. Miami Dolphins (10-5 SU and 9-6 ATS)
Great call grinding out a few meaningless plays under the uprights in the dwindling seconds of the fourth quarter only to see Jay Ajayi suffer an AC joint injury in his shoulder. For those that are unaware, that’s the point at which the collarbone and the shoulder meet. For those that know anything about running-backs, it’s sort of important to keep intact. Was it worth the win? We’ll find out in Week 17.
Next Game: New England -9.5 at Miami
14. Houston Texans (9-6 SU and 6-8-1 ATS)
Ever since a self-entitled Brock Osweiler landed in Houston with a $72 million price tag, I’ve been actively rooting against Houston. Now that Tom Savage is in, I find myself blindly supporting the Texans just to see Osweiler stay on the bench. Even after a 12-yard effort in the first half, O’Brien and Houston stuck with Savage, and they’ll do so again in Week 17. How bad does your $72 million quarterback have to be to lose his job to a guy who can’t score a touchdown? It’s so wonderful and couldn’t happen to a worse player.
Next Game: Houston at Tennessee -3.0
15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-7 SU and 9-6 ATS)
The Buccaneers are now 4-20 SU in their last 24 games in December over the last six years. Sure, they were a fine bet during t
