What do you get the poker player in your life who has everything? The answer – more of everything!
Every poker player relies on what they do at the felt to get by, but at Christmas, poker players can be notoriously difficult to buy for. You don’t want to be stuck buying that awful plastic poker set for $9.99 at your local thrift store which features four different coloured poker chips and a dealer button that you could start a game of tiddlywinks with.
With a week to go until the biggest multi-table tournament in the world, Santa may be getting ready to deal out the cards and gifts, but you’ll want to nudge St. Nick along with one of these tips for a winning present. What will you end up with in your stocking? Simply leave this webpage open close to your nearest and dearest and they’ll do the rest.
Tip: Why not favourite Calvin Ayre’s Poker Page for extra Father Christmas-related fortune over the festive period? You can find that page right here.
We’ve seven gifts below for the micro-stakes hopeful right up to the elite pro with more money than sense plenty of disposable funds, take your pick and don’t forget your gift wrap!
Royal Flush Cufflinks ($23)
These babies won’t set you back too much and at a cost of just £16.99 plus postage, provide a stylish look for the shirt-wearer in your life as they set out for their next night out at the casino. Whether they arrive home with bundles of cash in the small hours or are there to make your hot chocolate whilst moaning about ‘that guy in the hat’, you’re going to be in their good books.
You can buy the Royal Flush Cufflinks for just £16.99 right here.
Throw Throw Burrito ($34)
Every poker player needs to de-stress from time to time, and there is no better way than by playing the popular board game Throw, Throw, Burrito! Well, perhaps one way, but that’s never going to change. The point is that for just £24.99, you can provide the poker player in your life with a fantastic outlet for any frustration in their lives and negate that ‘bad beat’ feeling by giving them this soft-toy based strategy game. We’ve played this extensively ourselves and can exclusively reveal that fast hands, quick reactions and GTO play are what’s needed – sounds like the perfect game of poker.
Deal yourself into the burrito-tossing action for just £24.99 right here.
Dream Hoodie 4.0 ($129)
Picture your dream hoodie. No not the one with Brad Pitt or Jennifer Aniston snuggled inside it (delete where appropriate unless you’re actually Pitt or Aniston reading this in which case, we have one question: whose idea was that terrible Friends episode where Brad turned up playing a mean-ass guy from college)… you need the Dream Hoodie 4.0.
This is a revolutionary item of poker-related clothing. Every player loves a hoodie, but do they have one that has a detachable eye mask? What about one made from Peruvian cotton with double-stitching and an interior pocket? Really? That’s mad. OK, what about… a lover’s pocket?
Admit it, you want to see what on Earth a lover’s pocket is, don’t you? Take a look at this feature on the Dream Hoodie’s earlier iteration 2.0 here or watch the official trailer. Yes, really:
You can buy the Dream Hoodie 4.0 for just $129 right here.
Multi-Screen TVs ($540)
Everyone needs a proper television screen to display their poker tables when they play the game, but what about three 42-inch screens to hang from the ceiling? That’s some kind of dream poker-office set-up. You could even bring up that last final table where you’re shooting for the win on all three screens combined.
Want to turn one wall of your office into a gigantic screen displaying your latest poker victory. It’ll cost you just £399 plus postage and is available right here.
Gigantic Bean Bag ($1,000)
What better way is there to relax after a hard session at the felt by diving headfirst onto a gargantuan bean bag? With an inner cover made of suede and the main surface textured with pom pom fabric, nothing says relax like… wait, hang on, what fabric? Yes, thousands of small plush raised pieces of pom pom are all over this ‘Loung Pug’ like you wish you could be right now, don’t deny it.
Courtesy of Big Bertha Original (apologies to anyone called Bertha) you can purchase this luxurious space-filler for just $1,000 right here.
Screening Face Recognition and Temperature Checking Doorbell ($4,250)
Poker players are notoriously sensitive to disease and that has never been more evident than in this year of COVID-19. For the paranoid online player, this camera with facial recognition and temperature-taking ability is the perfect way to ward off visitors to your poker dwelling.
It’s not cheap (an understatement), but can you really put a price on feeling as secure as Mr. Burns does in that episode of The Simpsons where he puts tissue boxes on his feet? Yes, you can, and that price is £3,136.80 right here.
Banana-Shaped Pool Table ($22,000)
If you don’t have one already, then you should be looking into the possibility of purchasing this beautiful banana-shaped pool table. Available at the bargain five-figure price of $22,000, it may cost the same as a new car, but comes with four pockets instead of six and is the kind of party piece that would shame an entire University.
As you can see from the image above, this piece really is an ap-peeling item, and anyone would be thrilled to unwrap it on Christmas Day. The makers recommend that you play five-a-day, and the table’s legs actually contain 1% potassium. OK, not really.
If you’ve got a spare £16,243.70 down the back of your sofa, then why not go all-in on this banana-shaped pool table and buy it here.
There you have it. Stuck with the cufflinks and aspire to be potting balls down a curved cushion? Next year, let our poker strategy, news and feature articles here on Calvin Ayre guide you through the year in poker and who knows, maybe these could be your rewards for all your hard work.
