The results from the Unibet Online Series are in, and the prognosis is excellent as the Swedish online poker room successfully exceeded the €300,000 guarantee as over 27,000 players showed an interest.
As I watch the new girl dip her tongs beneath the cellophane and reach for a freshly cooked croissant, I wonder when we became so French? What happened to greasy cafes with plates swimming in the oil squeezed out of the fried bread. Posh people call it French Toast. I call it death.
They walk in, staring at their mobile phones hoping ‘the one’ has liked ‘the one’, the devil dancing inside their liver jabbing holes with his pitchfork.
Cock to butt, standing in line, faux smiles, mute. A kid comes over, grabs a bunch of stubby crayons and flashes me a smile before pulling a piece of paper from the plinth, and I wonder how many of these people know that if they reached hard enough, they would be able to touch the poker world.
Unibet hosted their first-ever online multi-table tournament (MTT) festival recently. The numbers are in. I’m looking at them while I wait for my coffee to cool.
David Pomroy, the Head of Poker at Unibet (a cool job I imagine) felt the €300,000 Guarantee was a tad ambitious.
“We expected overlays, particularly in the €100 Main Event,” Pomroy wrote in the press release that arrived ahead of my mate complaining that I only watched two minutes of the ten-minute video he sent me about some issue on Bosnia I don’t care about.
“That’s my pet hate,” he wrote.
I imagine Pomroy’s pet hate is an overlay.
The €100 buy-in, €100,000 Guaranteed Main Event did have an overlay, but it wasn’t enough to send the overhanging bellies down to the dungeon to complain.
1,038 players with curlers in their hair or with no hair at all, competed in the top comp and a player called henrymorgan won the €17,600 first prize. The €25 buy-in event attracted 784 entrants; the €1 sucked 2,015 into the dust bag. Both the lower buy-in events doubled their guarantees.
Bog standard leaderboards were in situ.
Unibet Ambassador, Chip Race podcast co-host, and Grizzly Bear Hollywood stand-in, Dave Lappin, won the High and Overall leaderboard for €2,200. The Irishman, who tans his hide in Malta, won a seat in the season-ending Battle of Champions. Unibet Open London winner, Andreas Wiborg, is the other person currently sitting at that table waiting for it to fill up.
The 84-event festival exceeded the €300,000 guarantee by €84,971, and Unibet suffered €9,217 in total overlays. 27,139 total players decided it was worth escaping the dreadful fish-smell in their bathroom to compete in the event.
The next UOS will take place 28 May – 11 June, and Pomroy and the team will sift through the feedback forms to make sure it’s even better than the last one.