Lee Davy continues his confessions series with an op-ed inspired by a 2+2 thread asking if poker players are especially self obsessed and selfish?
Whilst browsing 2+2 I read a thread called: Are Poker Players Especially Self-Obsessed and Selfish?
If that’s not worthy of a point of view I don’t know what is.
There are only a handful of poker players who have allowed me to peek under the hood. Most of them only show their shiny veneer. If you haven’t had a good look at the guts, it’s difficult to understand what makes a poker player tick. I am aware of the size of the sweeping arc my brush is about to make.
A lot of poker players are self-obsessed because they feel they need to be. If you want to be an outlier then you need to get 10,000 hours of practice in the books. You need to be self obsessed, you need to make sacrifices, and this means you have to be a little selfish.
There’s also the eternal search for sponsorship. Everybody has that dream. After Jason Somerville signed for PokerStars recently he said it was like the Holy Grail. These days, that comment could apply to any form of sponsorship. In a recent interview with Kristy Arnett she said, “It’s tough playing on your own dime.” She’s right. It’s one of the toughest aspects of professional poker.
Poker, especially tournament poker, is all about staying in the game. You know that if you stick around long enough you will eventually win that big score. You only hope that when it actually arrives it isn’t used to pay off your make up. This is why sponsorships are so important. They keep you in the game. You can spend your money on other important things like eating and paying rent.
You have to be a little self-obsessed to give yourself the best chance of getting noticed. It’s true. Wallflowers are occasionally picked out of the garden, but it’s not often. The brightly colored flowers generally get all of the bee’s attention.
When I interview poker players I like to talk about purpose. If you want to feel the heart, liver and lungs, then a chat about why they were put on this earth will get your hands covered in blood.
When I get a response the results are magical. The interviews fly. People love them. In the moments after the interview has ended I feel like I have connected with my guest on a deep level. This is because they have shared a piece of themselves with me. They gave me a peek at their vulnerability. So yes, there are poker players who are not self obsessed and selfish.
But they are rare.
Generally, when I ask questions about life purpose I get a hackneyed response.
“I live in the moment. I don’t know what the future holds.”
Whilst it’s true that some may be lying. I mean who am I to think that everyone should open up his or her hearts to me? That would mean I was a self-obsessed and selfish writer. Heaven forbid. But the large percentage is telling the truth. They don’t have a purpose.
I believe this is why a lot of players come across as self-obsessed and selfish. When considering purpose a great question to pose is this.
“What difference do I ultimately make in the lives of the people I am trying to serve?”
So whom are you trying to serve?
Are you trying to serve the poker fans?
I don’t think so.
I have never heard a poker player, in any interview, blog post or column say they are in the game to entertain their fans. Footballers earn ridiculous sums of money. But they entertain millions of people worldwide. For some people football is a religion. Poker is not football. It is not a religion.
So I ask again.
Who are you trying to serve?
There are a few poker players who are using their winnings to help others. It can be argued that Philipp Gruissem, Igor Kurganov and Liv Boeree are trying to serve people who are less fortunate than themselves, by using poker as a way to earn money and give it to those that need it the most.
In the main, however, poker players serve themselves.
Poker players are a business. This means that they have operating expenditure and they have revenue. Some poker players even have investors. Their purpose is to make money. I don’t believe that’s the best approach. I think it promotes self-obsession and selfishness.
Before I joined the poker circus I worked for the rail industry in the UK. I worked pre and post privatization and the post era was a terrible time. A company that cares about nothing but the shareholders pockets is hell. Companies that have money as their core principle of existence have values and missions statements, but they aren’t worth shit. They were created in a boardroom of people who walked into work one day and were told that they had to create a set of company values.
A lot of poker players fall into the same trap.
If you are backed then you have a shareholder. If you are on your own dime then you are your sole shareholder. If you don’t have purpose, then it’s going to become a problem because it’s likely that your core reason for existence is to make money. You are a money making machine. That doesn’t end well. Everything takes second place to making money. That’s where the self-obsession and selfishness comes from. It’s all about you.
The Gallup Organization undertook a vast study to determine the factors that enabled a person to truly feel fulfilled in their workplace. Money was not even a determining factor in most cases. It was all about a feeling of belonging, and feeling safe that they could contribute to a higher purpose. Going back to the rail industry, perhaps everyone would have gotten in the same boat, and rowed in the same direction, if the company purpose was not to make money, and except to help save the planet by keeping more lorries full of freight off the roads?
I would have cared about that.
I didn’t care about creating bonuses for my shareholders.
Do you know what one of the biggest regrets the aged have just before they close their eyes for the very last time?
That they didn’t discover what their purpose was earlier in life.
Don’t make the same mistake.
Without a life of meaning and purpose there is self-obsession and selfishness. Poker is a game where you take money from people. It’s tough. But there are people who are using that to their advantage by helping others with the money they take.
Money won’t make you happy.
Finding your purpose will.
Start work on it today.
Do you know what the two most important moments in your life were?
The first was the day you were born.
The second was the day you understood what you were born for.
Until you figure that out, your purpose is to find your purpose.
Now get to work.
