In one of the least surprising press releases ever, British Columbia’s Minister of No Shit Sherlock, sorry, Information and Privacy Commissioner, has declared that the troubled PlayNow online gambling site will remain offline until those foreign technology ‘gurus’ bring the website’s back end up to a level surpassing that of a 1997 Geocities-hosted Spice Girls fan-page. In the meantime, BC’s Lottery Corporation intends to begin investigating the rumors that their scratch-off tickets contain unacceptable levels of plutonium. Read more.