EPL review week 38: Man City end Premier League campaign in record style

EPL Review Week 38: Man City end Premier League campaign in record style

The English Premier League is done and dusted for another season, and what a season it was with Manchester City becoming the first side to amass 100 points, and score over 100 goals.

There was a time when the world would have stoppEPL Review Week 38: Man City end Premier League campaign in record styled on its axis for me to watch the Premier League end game. Then poker came along in its short skirt, high heels and flashes of flesh. I fell for her charms hard, like a man falling for the right hook of Mike Tyson.

These days, I don’t play as much poker.

The skirts are still short. The glimpses of flesh always turn me on. But I have an 18-month-old daughter. The choice becomes 90-minutes of football, 12 hours of poker or 90-minutes of imaginary theatre with me playing all members of the cast.

Fortunately, the final day of the 2017/18 Premier League season felt like one of those days when you neatly cut your toast into soldiers, only to cut off the head of your boiled egg to find a yolk as hard as the one you would see at the top of Jack’s beanstalk.

Stoke became the first team to prepare for life in the lower echelon when they lost to Crystal Palace last weekend. Swansea joined them (although not mathematically) in midweek, when they lost at home to fellow relegation swashbucklers Southampton. Stoke fired Mark Hughes because they were worried he would take them down. Southampton hired him to keep them up. I’m still not sure if both were justified in their punts.

West Brom went down after Huddersfield pulled a draw out of the hat (attached to a rabbit) at Stamford Bridge in midweek. The Baggies had finally pumped some air into their tyres with some fabulous results over Manchester United and Spurs, but when you’ve played with four flat tyres all season, the blowout is inevitable.

Champions League Bits and Pieces 

Spurs’ surprise defeat to West Brom gave Chelsea a snifter of Champions League hope. Then Spurs beat Newcastle on the night the Blues failed to silence the Terriers.

Conte would have to rely on Liverpool losing to Brighton, while they beat Newcastle, both on the final day of the season.

Neither happened.

Mohamed Salah scored his 32nd league goal in a 4-0 rout, ensuring the enchanting Egyptian ended Harry Kane’s two-year reign as the wearer of the Golden Boot. A double for Ayoze Pérez and one for Dwight Gayle gave Newcastle a thumping 3-0 win over Chelsea. The Geordies, who were in the relegation fight at one point in the season, ended a pretty impressive tenth. Chelsea, the reigning champions, miss out on Europe, and Antonio Conte will hope that an FA Cup win over Man Utd will save his job. It didn’t work out for Louis Van Gaal.

Champions League

Man City
Man Utd

So no place for Chelsea and Arsene Wenger’s former Arsenal squad will also have to make do with watching it on TV. Wenger decided to leave the club after 22-years in charge. It will be interesting to see who takes his place. Mikel Arteta is the 13/8 favourite, Massimiliano Allegri is a 7/4 shot, and Carlo Ancelotti comes in as the 14/1 outsider.

The Champions 

It was City’s season.

Pep Guardiola’s side wiped the floor with everyone (except Wigan and Liverpool) to become the first side in Premier League history to finish on 100 points and score 106 goals. When you consider how dominant Sir Alex Ferguson has been in this competition, and how many great sides he has guided to the tumult, you have to take your hoodie off and give a faint hint of admiration to the best manager in the world.

Kevin De Bruyne was the star man, but it was City’s ability to score from all over the park that made them an unstoppable force no more so than Raheem Sterling who knocked in a career-high 18 goals. Let’s hope he doesn’t fluff his lines when he takes the Russian stage in the summer.

So that’s it for another season.

The 2018/19 Premier League welcomes Wolves and Cardiff City. The team that manages to be the only one standing from Aston Villa, Middlesbrough and Derby will join them.

I, will be, busy in my toddler theatre. 

Results in Full

Burnley 1 v 2 Bournemouth
Huddersfield 0 v 1 Arsenal
West Ham 3 v 1 Everton
Southampton 0 v 1 Man City
Liverpool 4 v 0 Brighton
Spurs 5 v 4 Leicester
Newcastle 3 v 0 Chelsea
Man Utd 1 v 0 Watford
Crystal Palace 2 v 0 West Brom
Swansea 1 v 2 Stoke

Premier League Top Scorers

1. Mohamed Salah – 32 goals
2. Harry Kane – 30
3. Sergio Aguero – 21
4. Jamie Vardy – 20
5. Raheem Sterling – 18

Premier League Table

1. Man City – 100
2. Man Utd – 81
3. Spurs – 77
4. Liverpool – 75
5. Chelsea – 70
6. Arsenal – 63
7. Burnley – 54
8. Everton – 49
9. Leicester – 47
10. Newcastle – 44
11. Crystal Palace – 44
12. Bournemouth – 44
13. West Ham – 42
14. Watford – 41
15. Brighton – 40
16. Huddersfield – 37
17. Southampton – 36
18. Swansea – 33
19. Stoke – 33
20. West Brom – 31