In 2009, Russia issued a decree banning all gambling establishments that weren’t located in one of four designated gambling zones. The policy has been an abysmal failure, not least because gambling isn’t currently available in three of these zones, and the fourth – Azov City – is, like the others, geographically inaccessible to most Russians.
At least two international developers are in the process of building casinos in the Primorye region near Vladivostok, but that’s a couple time zones away from Moscow. Imagine the United States circa 1955, where Las Vegas is the only gambling option, only Russia isn’t exactly going through the economic boom America enjoyed during Eisenhower’s era, meaning no one can afford to travel outside their area code. And besides, that Trololo guy couldn’t hope to compete with Sinatra in terms of drawing power.
The result has been a massive proliferation of illegal gambling operations, ranging from (literally) underground casinos to slot halls to poker rooms to you name it. Since the 2009 ban took effect, Russian authorities have shut down a staggering 59,000 illegal gambling operations. On Tuesday, Russian officials announced they’d shut down an illegal bookmaking operation in Moscow, seizing eight computers and – wait for it – cages of roosters, rats and insects used (allegedly) for wagering purposes. The police declined to identify the operation by name, but a report last month by the Moscow News suggests the facility was a former casino named Korona that converted to bookmaking following the 2009 crackdown.
According to the media report, the Korona establishment offered cockfighting with a humane twist. Before the birds were shoved into the arena, they were each festooned with eight small balloons in the colors of two different football teams. Instead of the fight ending with one rooster’s death spasms, victory was declared the minute one bird’s beak succeeded in popping all of the other bird’s balloons, after which the two combatants were quickly separated. Nonetheless, there was some unavoidable collateral damage, as some spectators/punters reportedly complained about getting an errant feather in their beer.
If cockfighting wasn’t your thing, one could choose to bet on a real live rat race. Every five minutes, ten rats would be let loose on an obstacle course, with the swiftest rodent claiming a prize of food pellets while (presumably) some lucky human cashes some coin. The system’s bugs have yet to be worked out, as some rats got loose during the early testing phase, so the current system kept the rats and the humans separated on different floors, with the action playing out on video monitors.
Bookmaking was the one form of gambling spared from the 2009 crackdown. In a truly odd quirk, playing poker is illegal, but wagering on the outcome of a poker game is okay. Some bookies feature video monitors in which hands of poker play out without any of the players being visible, while bettors are invited to wager on the outcome of the hand. Makes ESPN’s coverage of the World Series of Hoodies & Headphones look downright compelling.
It’s not clear whether the Moscow News report of Korona’s rooster, rat and insect escapades led to the joint being raided – if, in fact, it was the venue the police raided – but one thing is clear: Russia’s gambling ban has been a complete and utter failure, much as the country’s ongoing attempts to stop the insidious spread of ‘gay propaganda’ has been utterly ineffectual in convincing homoerotic heartthrob Vladimir Putin to keep his shirt on. But hey, maybe it’s not too late to get rat luge accredited for the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi…
