Fucking hackers. It’s bad enough that they made that shitty movie with Sickboy from Trainspotting and that obnoxious lanky kid from the Scooby Doo movies (though Angelina’s short hairdo and on-again, off-again British accent was pretty hot), but now their self-righteous cybercrimes have gone too far. In a well coordinated cyber attack, noted hacker supergroup “Anonymous,” which is sort of the Legion of Doom of computer crime, has begun attacking online banking and credit card organizations, throwing salt in the game of Christmas shoppers and online gambling enthusiasts alike.
The attacks are part of Operation Payback, a sweeping plan of attack that is meant to show solidarity with besieged WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, who was recently arrested for what the Swedish refer to as “sex by surprise” (editors note: not the same thing as “oops anal”).
After the organization focused its attacks on influential merchants Visa and Mastercard, several online bookmakers and casinos have reported a disruption in service as they are unable to process transactions from popular sources like PayPal.
In case you’re wondering why “sex by surprise” isn’t listed as rape, it’s because it’s not. Both parties are listed as consenting adults and willing participants. In fact, the only surprise involved in the crime is a broken condom, meaning that roughly half the newborn population of the globe could be considered an accessory.