Night of destiny for Tottenham

PvsAfter an inauspicious start in to their league campaign, and a get out of a jail free card courtesy of Russian Roman Pavlyuchenko in last week’s first leg in the Swiss capital Bern, Roflhamlolspurs (nee Tottenham Hotspur) go into tonight’s game at the Lane looking to make history.

Never before in the history of the club have they been in the European Cup since it was rebranded as the grey and black dankness that is the UEFA Champions League, a 1-0 tonight will do it though, and if last weeks’ first leg is anything to go by then we’re in for quite the treat in North London tonight – even more of a treat than a pre-match kebab on the Seven Sisters Road, complete with chilli sauce and baklava.

Perennial dodgy geezer and all-round gurner Harry Redknapp will be hopeful his players have recovered from the plastic fume poisoning that many of them succumbed to last Tuesday night. Although it was quite apt that this occurred before the visit to Stoke – a venue at which a great number of the players soiled themselves on previous visits due to the ‘scary’ nature of Rory Delap’s long throws.

Nights like these in the white half of the capital always promise to be eventful, if not always the most pleasing on the eye. What can we expect to see tonight at White Hart Lane? I mean this is a night when every Spurs fan will be happy with a boring 1-0 and home in time for the group stage draw tomorrow afternoon. We aren’t all Spurs fans though. The casual observer i.e. me and the rest of the world, want controversy, excitement, and the down right ridiculous by the bucket load.

By this we don’t mean an own goal and a couple of red cards for foul and abusive language, it has to be more than that.

One proposition would be that if the match enters extra time, the game is solved with 10 minutes each way five-a-side to determine the winner. 2020 cricket eat your heart out. Imagine the in play markets on five-a-side football, quite simply fantastic.

They really should rebrand themselves as the ultimate London entertainment entity though. Up until this season they were sponsored by an online gaming company, so that facet’s covered, just need to get Juande Ramos back to create that brand of football only he seemed to be able to create and you’d be competing with anything The Moscow State Circus can bring over, or whatever comeback tour is currently on at the O2.

Anyway Harry, tonight. If you would be so kind as to do your best impression of Ramos it would be much appreciated. It doesn’t even matter if you play Younes Kaboul and go through to the group stage draw tomorrow, just make it bloody exciting! If it takes it, how much money do you want Harry, or is it a player you want? I hear Duncan Ferguson is rambling away on Twitter and fit as a young boy playing a variety of sports. Now that would be something to feast your eyes on.