The 2017/18 Premier League season saunters into one of the most anti-climactic endings in recent memory as Huddersfield’s point at Chelsea almost certainly condemns Swansea to a lifetime of hurt and pain in the Championship.
I’ve had to move. I had the perfect spot. The sun was coating me with love, the chirp, chirp, chirp of the birds providing me with a symphonic spur {needed at 16:07}. And then my left calf began to burn. My left eye got tired of squinting. So I moved.
I’m not complaining.
If I threw my laptop over the balcony, it would land in the Adriatic Sea. The view is Clash of the Titanesque. Sometimes, you have to suck it up, burned calf or no burned calf. As a blue plastic bag bobs menacingly in the sea, I am grateful.
Newcastle fans.
Huddersfield fans.
Brighton fans.
I imagine they feel the same way this morning. For only the third time in Premier League history, all three promoted sides from the Championship have evaded relegation after the Terriers earned a battling draw at Stamford Bridge last night.
Huddersfield’s incredible performance means Swansea, Stoke and West Brom fill the spots most bookmakers reserved for those above.
Swansea’s fate won’t be mathematically decided until after the final game of the season, but let’s be serious. There is more chance of it raining gold than Swansea overturning the nine-goal deficit between them and Southampton at the relegation equator.
What a night for Swansea fans.
They didn’t even get the chance to air their lungs. Instead, they had to settle for ten pints down the pub watching Huddersfield seal their fate on the idiot box. David Wagner’s side didn’t have a shot on goal in the first half as Chelsea dominated possession. Antonio Rudiger wasted two golden opportunities to put Chelsea ahead before Laurent Depoitre scored against the run of play in the 50th minute.
And it’s not as if the game was a dead rubber.
The 2016/17 champions were still desperately trying to squeeze into the Champions League in place of Spurs or Liverpool. And that may happen, but only because Mathias Jorgensen slammed the ball into Marco Alonso’s mush and it rebounded into the Huddersfield goal to give the Blues a point.
With Chelsea drawing, and Harry Kane scoring his 28th Premier League goal of the season in Spurs’ 1-0 victory over Newcastle, only an away win in Geordie Land, and a home defeat for Liverpool facing Brighton will see Conte’s side make the cut.
It’s not likely, is it?
Chelsea still has an FA Cup Final dinner date with Man Utd, but Roman Abramovich didn’t bring in the Italian to give him the opportunity to put on his best frock on FA Cup Final day. With a year left on a contract not worth squat, you should expect to see the former Juventus boss on the dole this summer.
Maybe he could hop, skip and jump over to the Emirates?
And all of this means, that for the average Joe football fan, they might as well spend Saturday throwing stones at old factory buildings. Man City won the title so long ago it feels like another season has passed, and the relegation battle that was brewing to be the most scintillating of many a year has fizzled out into nothingness.
Nope.
There’s nothing to do except watch the blue plastic bag bobbing up and down in the sea, hoping that a turtle doesn’t think it’s a jellyfish.
Results in Full
Leicester 3 v 1 Arsenal
Man City 3 v 1 Brighton
Spurs 1 v 0 Newcastle
Chelsea 1 v 1 Huddersfield
Premier League Table
1. Man City – 97
2. Man Utd – 77
3. Spurs – 74
4. Liverpool – 72
5. Chelsea – 70
6. Arsenal – 60
7. Burnley – 54
8. Everton – 49
9. Leicester – 47
10. Newcastle – 41
11. Crystal Palace – 41
12. Bournemouth – 41
13. Watford – 41
14. Brighton – 40
15. West Ham – 38
16. Huddersfield – 37
17. Southampton – 36
18. Swansea – 33
19. West Brom – 31
20. Stoke – 30
