The penis of Republican Congressman Joe Barton, a big supporter of the legalisation of online poker, is currently floating around the Internet prompting calls for his resignation.
On my way to work this morning (ok, Starbucks), I listened to the Butterfly Effect by Jon Ronson, a podcast about the creation of PornHub and the subsequent flapping of the wings that lead to someone using a handheld electrical sander to masturbate on the job in a kitchen factory.
Ronson asked Pornhub’s founder Matt Keezer how many people view Pornhub daily.
“75 million.”
That’s a lot of sticky fingers.
Pornhub managed to become the most viewed porn site on the Internet by encouraging those 75 million people to post ‘paid for’ porn content onto their website so people could access it for free.
The San Fernando Valley porn industry couldn’t keep on top of it all. People were posting at such a fast rate, that by the time Pornhub had removed a piece of content at the request of the legal owner of the material, it was back up on the site.
And then something incredible happened.
People began creating their own porn and posting it on Pornhub, circumventing the San Fernando Valley ‘paid content’ porn sites entirely, and it seems Republican Congressman Joe Barton has gotten in on the act.
The online poker champion, who introduced and failed with the (HR.2888) The Internet Poker Freedom Act in 2015, has reminded us of the need to remember to delete our homemade porn, after a photograph and raunchy text message found its way onto the Internet.
A photo of a naked Barton snapping his trouser snake appeared on the Twitter account of Parker21333 along with a text that read, “I want u so bad. Right now. Deep and hard.” The anonymous tweeter copied President Donald Trump into the tweet.
The 68-year-old, voted into Congress in 1984, told the Texas Tribune that he took the photo when separated from his second wife during a time he had ‘sexual relationships with other mature adult women.’
According to TMZ, the person who posted the photograph has suggested that they also have several videos of Barton masturbating (I’m trying very hard to think about geraniums, angels, and skiing down the Alps right now…it’s not working).
Barton wed his second wife, Terri, in 2004. The pair divorced in 2015. His marriage to Janet Sue Winslow lasted from 1970 to 2003. Four children and five grandchildren are no doubt Googling this right now and staring at his bellend just because their brain is telling them not to.
Despite the leak, Barton is refusing to quit, but he did tell the Texas Tribune that he is reconsidering his re-election bid.
Don’t do it, Barton!
Not only does poker need you, if 75 million people per day, watch Pornhub, the vast majority of your haters, even the ones packing the heftiest bibles, have a few skeletons hidden in their golf bags.
But if he is forced to retire, I sincerely hope he finishes his work on HR.2889 The Internet Penis Freedom Act.
