3-Barrels: Busquet Batters JC; Hansen Returns Home; SportAccord Say no to Poker

3-Barrels: Busquet Batters JC; Hansen Returns Home; SportAccord Say no to Poker

3-Barrels of pure value including news of Olivier Busquet’s one-sided mixed martial arts victory over JC Alvarado, Gus Hansen returning home to Denmark to ‘settle down’, and the International Federation of Poker will not be joining SportAccord.

3-Barrels: Busquet Batters JC; Hansen Returns Home; SportAccord Say no to PokerThe lads told me that I was dead. I was scared. He was the hardest kid in the school and he wanted to kick my head in. There was no way I was going to fight this monster. Then in a moment of pure clarity, as the monster was spitting in my face, I saw me knocking him out.

The crowd roared.

I stood over his twitching corpse.

I was now the hardest kid in the school.

And so I said yes.

And he took me to the top of the schoolyard and beat the crap out of me.

And I think that’s what must have happened when JC Alvarado agreed to fight Olivier Busquet in the Octagon this past weekend. The pair agreed to the brawl last October. Alvarado agreed to hand over $150,000 if he lost; Busquet would part with $120,000. It was the safest $120,000 I have seen in my life.

Here is the commentary. Alternatively, you can watch the carnage unfold below.

Round 1

Busquet looks huge. JC looks like a scrawny teenager. Busquet hurts him with a punch within the first minute. He hits the deck. Busquet is on top of him and continues to aim punches and forearms into the kidneys and face. The only glimmer of hope for JC is a brief attempt at an ankle lock. They both looked knackered at the end of the round.

Round 2

Busquet is circling the middle of the ring like a bear. JC is running around like a chicken. I mean what can he do? He can’t get inside this monster.



JC is swatting to the canvas like a fly. Busquet is on top of him. The pummeling continues. JC tries for an armbar. Busqet escapes. The only respite JC gets is a few gulps of air as the referee hands Busquet a warning for hitting him on the back of the head. Towards the end of the round, JC looks a mess.

Round 3

Busquet nearly kicks JC out of the Octagon. Another takedown and this time, Busquet opens JC wide open. They are swimming in blood. The right eye of JC grotesquely disfigured. Busquet keeps pounding. The referee doesn’t stop it. JC’s corner doesn’t stop it. He isn’t fighting back. The blood is everywhere.

Finally, the referee stops it. Probably, because he is fed up, slipping on JC’s blood. It was the most one-sided fight I have ever seen. The little blonde girl who’s parents thought it was a good idea to bring her to an MMA bout looks like she is going to puke.

Busquet looked almost guilty when his arm was raised.

JC looked like he would need a new face.

And all for $150,000.

Gus Hansen Heading Home

JC Alvarado and Olivier Busquet aren’t the only poker players who have squared off for money. Sorel Mizzi recently battered Brian Rast in the name of charity, and Lex Veldhuis once kicked Bertrand ‘ElkY’ Grospellier’s head all the way to South Korea.

So sick.

But the peeps who started the craze were Theo Jorgensen and Gus Hansen. The Danes fought each other in a 2009 boxing match, with Jorgensen winning by judges vote.

Hansen has been in the news again this week, but not, this time, for fighting. According to Cardplayer, the former Monte Carlo resident told Good Morning Denmark that he was returning to Denmark for good, possibly to start a family. He appeared on the show as part of the Red Cross Campaign where celebrities donate their clothes to charity. After amassing over $20m in losses, it’s amazing he even has any.

Poker Will Not be Joining SportAccord

The International Federation of Poker (IFP) will not be joining the SportAccord after a council meeting decreed that it would be more sensible to boycott all potential inclusions until a new President is elected.

Marius Vizer resigned as president of SportAccord in May after launching a bitter attack on the International Olympic Committee (IOC) believing they should hand the federations more power, and suggested that they wasted $450m on an Olympic TV channel.

International Basketball Federation secretary general Patrick Baumann and World Underwater Federation chief Anna Arzhanova are favourites to take the hot seat.

The IFP were set to join the World Armwrestling Federation (WAF), and the Rugby League International Federation (RLIF), in the international sports organisation until the halt to proceedings.