Lee Davy once again goes through the motions, as congressman with hearts in the right place do, as he brings you up to date with news of the latest online poker bill that is going to be ignored by whomever reads it.
Our politicians must be prepared to use violence. We need someone not afraid of pushing the right people in front of a train. Only then will anyone be interested to read yet another boring article on online poker bills in America.
Joey Barton is a violent man. He is one of the most vicious footballers in the whole wide world. Let’s hope that his namesake Joe Barton, a Texan congressman, also likes to punch people in those crinkly sperm holders, because poker needs it right now.
South Carolina State Senator, Lindsey Graham, recently reintroduced the Restoration of America’s Wire Act (RAWA) to the senate. A few days later and Mr. Barton threw his two-pennies worth into a marbled hall, when he introduced HR 2888 Internet Poker Freedom Act into this lardy-ass fight.
I often wonder why they use code like HR 2888 to name a bill, and then I learned that Barton’s first stab at this was a 2011 bill called HR 2366 Internet Gambling Prohibition, Poker Consumer Protection, and Strengthening UIGEA Act of 2011. I am glad someone told him that the reason the bill didn’t pass, was because the reader fell asleep before he got to the end of the title.
That’s not the only time that Barton has submitted a bill designed to allow Americans the right to polish their AK 47 whilst playing online poker. In 2013, he also wrote HR 2666 The Internet Poker Freedom Act of 2013. Both ended up in the bin, where I expect this one will also end up.
“Poker is an all-American game.” Said Barton in a press statement.
Initially, my face runs away from my cheekbones when I hear that xenophobic dribble, then I remind myself that I worked hard on accepting that Major League Baseball have a World Series that only includes Americans.
“It’s a game that I learned as a teen and continue to play today. Just like millions of other players I enjoy the strategy and skill involved. I continue to be supportive of Americans who play poker online.” Finished Barton.
According to poker writers who are much more knowledgeable than me, the new bill promotes the need to build a fully regulated online poker network in the US, because Americans are playing online poker anyway, except on sites that are illegal.
Should we get our hopes up?
But every little helps.
Persistence is important. We must never stop trying. I just wished that each piece of paper that was submitted were a little bit different than the last. The Poker Players Alliance (PPA) liked it though.
— PokerPlayersAlliance (@ppapoker) June 25, 2015
I still think we need something different.
We need to find our very own Frank Underwood. Either that or a billionaire that likes to play online poker, and has a vision of having congress in his back pocket.
Right now I would settle for anything. I would even prefer if we had the QPR midfielder Joey Barton arguing our case. He knows fuck all about writing a bill, but he knows how to stick his into someone else’s face.