Manchester to stage Ultimate Olympics

Golden opportunity
Golden opportunity

A rival event to Olympics Games is to be staged in Manchester in two years time as an alternative to the London showpiece. The Ultimate Olympics will run along exactly the same lines as its London counterpart, with the exception that drugs testing will be banned at the event. The idea is that athletes involved will be able to do whatever it is humanly, and as it turns out, superhumanly, possible to go the extra nine yards to win gold in field, track and swimming.

“The problem with the Olympics as things stand, is that we know which of the so-called cheats are, but we don’t know which athletes have slipped the net,” said David Pfizer, Chairman of the UOC. “So they are always one step ahead of the testers. By getting rid of drug testing completely it’s a level playing field for all and we will see world records being ripped up across the board, which is what sports punters want to see.”

The Ultimate Olympics will be open to all athletes prepared to put their bodies to the ultimate test, including those who have been banned by the IOC, such as Dwain Chambers and Marion Jones.