Lee Davy talks about his feelings after failing to win the Media Personality of the Year award at the European Poker Awards.
Is it just me, or was there a stark difference between the razzmatazz of the American Poker Awards (APA), and the European Poker Awards (EPA)?
One felt like the Oscars, the other one felt like the Golden Globes.
I will let you do the math.
I wasn’t at either.
Instead, I relied on social media for my feedback.
I was nominated for Media Person of the Year. I really wanted to win, but I didn’t ‘feel’ like I was going to win. When I made the decision not to attend, due to financial constraints, I thought my lack of presence would go against me. Then I remembered Brad Willis won, without attending, and the flame of hope remained alive – albeit not giving off much light.
I did write an acceptance speech though – just in case. Hermance Blum would read it for me. It was a celebration of being different. How all poker players share this same trait. The refusal to conform to society and instead live the dream.
Maybe you’ll get to hear it next year?
I was sat at my kitchen table. I had roasted vegetables in the oven. I would refresh my Facebook screen every few seconds. Then I saw Marc Convey’s face. I knew I had lost. There are people who will say I didn’t lose. To be nominated means that I am a winner. But, if I am being honest, it didn’t feel like that.
When I saw the photo I felt disappointed. Then I felt angry. Thoughts flooded my mind. None of them positive, all of them excuses. A myriad of reasons why my work wasn’t recognized as being good enough. I felt like a failure. I felt like an outsider. I always feel like an outsider.
I took my veg out of the oven, and wolfed it down whilst watching The Secret. The first time I watched this it changed my life. It gave me the strength to quit my job on the railway and pursue my dreams.
90-minutes later and I felt completely different. I tell people that I am a positive human being. I judge people who don’t conform to my ideal. It depresses me to hear people complain. But deep down I am a hypocrite. I concentrate on lack, instead of wealth. I’m not talking about money. I’m talking about joy and happiness.
I express gratitude daily. But it’s not enough. You can’t go through the motions. You need to feel it, visualize it, and experience it. Your mind doesn’t know the difference between your dream and the real thing. Make it happen by choosing to think differently.
Thoughts become things. If I keep thinking about how tough it is to create a course to help people quit drinking alcohol, that I don’t have enough money to attend an awards ceremony, and that outsiders don’t win awards, then I am going to get all of those things. The genie has been released from the lamp. He has listened to me. He has made it happen.
I slept soundly last night.
I feel different this morning.
When I woke up I thought about Marc. I read all the messages he received regarding his win. I bet he felt over the moon. His family and friends would have been so proud. Recognition for years of hard work. Recognition; it’s a beautiful thing. I bet his body was buzzing. I felt so happy for him. I felt grateful for knowing him, and for what I have learned from him.
Changing the way I think is more than changing a habit. I am the habit change expert. This is different. I have set reminders on my phone. On the hour it will beep and I will spend a few minutes assessing where I am, what I am thinking about, and how I am feeling.
Energy flows where the attention goes after all.