Shawne “Lights Out” Merriman will soon have to turn the lights out on his San Diego residence and make a trip east to the cold city of Buffalo to play for the Bills. The Bills picked Merriman up off waivers and are hoping the once-feared San Diego Chargers pass-rusher can give their defense a lift.
Players only have five days to report to a team after being picked up on waivers and the Bills are expecting Merriman to arrive on Friday, but that’s a tentative estimate, Merriman has been taking his own sweet little time in reporting, who can blame him?
You have to feel for Merriman and you can imagine what he’s thinking…Sure, San Diego isn’t playing great this year, but it’s still San Diego, it’s still Norv Turner and you still have Phillip Rivers and Antonio Gates among other playmakers, there’s still life in that team. And then there’s the win- less Bills in the cold, blue collar town of Buffalo where hockey is just as popular as the NFL. Hockey? It doesn’t even exist in San Diego.
Merriman has to be thinking, where’s Tila Tequila when you need to vent? Guess the punching bag will have to suffice. Here’s what my guess of Merriman’s checklist for the last five days in sunny San Diego entails.
Day 1. Cry.
Day 2. Cry some more.
Day 3. Tell Rivers I love him.
Day 4. Contemplate retirement/suicide, visit the Zoo.
Day 5. Say goodbye to: beautiful San Diego groupies, celebrity girlfriends and winning.
At least Merriman won’t have to worry about playing this Sunday, so he can take some extra time to get over the immediate depression that’s about to set in and buy some winter gear. Here’s a linguistic tip for Merriman, in Buffalo a tuque is a wool cap worn on the head between your shoulders and not a rubber cap worn on the one between your legs. It’s designed to keep your head warm in blistering cold conditions, but can also be used when necessary to dry tears.