Stars and Stripes, the venerable newspaper distributed to US military personnel since the Civil War, has found itself under friendly fire. A ‘considerable number’ of the 200 staff members in its Pacific bureaus have been regularly dialing up gambling and porn sites during office hours. The offenders will first face courts-martial, then firing squads at dawn.
Okay, not really. In fact, no one has yet been punished for said transgressions, but only because military lawyers are still investigating. Honestly, we’re still trying to figure out what the big fuss is about. Amazing to think that young men connected with the US military would be into gambling and porn. Odd, that. Sorry, what exactly are we fighting for again? What is this ‘free-dom’ of which you speak?
Interestingly, no such violations were identified in either the European or Washington bureaus of Stars and Stripes, which makes us worried that the testosterone levels of the brave boys in those regions must be dangerously low. May we humbly suggest instituting a daily ‘power pose’ regimen?
