Colin Montgomerie’s odyssey as European Ryder Cup captain rolled on to yet another fun-filled day yesterday as he took enough time out of his tabloid lifestyle to complete his squad selection ahead of the tournament at the Celtic Manor resort in September.
The wild-cards/captains picks/daddy’s favorites were revealed to be Padraig Harrington, Luke Donald, and the untried Edoardo Molinari – at the expense of US tour stalwarts Paul Casey and Justin Rose. Monty’s decision on Molinari reputedly came after his latest mistress commented that she was curious about Italians. Watch yourself Edoardo.
Apart from the obvious two, Casey and Rose, a plethora of opportunities are available to the dour Scotsman to choose from.
First off, why the hell has he not recruited Elin Nordgren in some capacity. Tiger’s ex-wife could be just the distraction technique that the European team needs. If Tiger is picked, which is very likely to happen, if only to garner a bevy of women for the US team, then the perfect counterweight will be the irrepressible Ms Nordgren. The best part Monty…she’s Swedish.
Next in Colin’s mind would be where to best deploy the blonde sensation. I haven’t seen her sports skills, but all those years married to the world number one must have taught her a thing or two about golf, as we know he was getting his bedroom action elsewhere, so get her out playing for the team. Failing this, just put her on the arm of any of the team’s single players for a day at a time, and make sure the pairing is playing against Woods. Honestly Monty, it will send him into a spin.
After picking Nordgren as the first wild-card the next search would be for someone to add a hard backbone to the team. Someone who’s experienced life on both sides of the Atlantic, and come out the other side the live and fight another day. Emphasis on fight.
Now what he does with a golf club might not be what’s required at the event, but should JB Holmes or anyone else for that matter attempt some of the horse play and antics on display two years ago, you can bet your bottom dollar Vinnie will knock the living daylights out of them. Not in ‘is back yard!
Last but by no means least, there’s one man with European heritage that Monty completely overlooked, and he’d certainly do a good job cheering up Colin Montgomerie – Calvin Ayre. His addition to the team as the third and final wild-card would put smiles on the faces of everyone watching or attending as he strolls in with three girls on each arm and ready to party it up, Wales golf style!
Golf would just be the side show were Calvin to be picked by Monty, and you can imagine that the entertainment value of golf would go up ten-fold were the master of gamblin’, drinkin’, and carryin’ on to get on board.
Next time Monty before you make the captain’s picks come to us first. We’ll suggest those must have players you’re quite clearly missing from your squad, and get you the win you need to launch a career as a C-list celeb.