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City’s Guide on How to Win the Title at all Costs

TAGs: Man City, Roberto Mancini, Soccer

“Are they scared? I think so.”

The words of Manchester City boss Roberto Mancini ahead of the coming Premier League season, but it’s hard to ascertain who they’re actually geared towards. This comes after learning that City have so far spent more than the rest of the league’s top 14 sides combined, and if speculation is to be believed, they may even eclipse the entire league’s spending. Read more.

Who should be most worried though? Obviously Mancini is referring to the other clubs in the upper echelons of England’s top division, but there’s a lot more stakeholders that should be alarmed at the extent of the Abu Dhabi United Group’s spending. The question should not be whether or not the players will click in Mancini’s system, it’s when, not if, the Middle Eastern owners will get bored and move onto another plaything.

Then what of the first group, the ones that are ‘petrified’ of Roberto Mancini’s City machine, the other clubs in amongst the elite league’s top four. What’s there to be scared of at City?

First off have you seen the pile of defensive midfield heavies that they’ve got at Eastlands? I’ll set the scene for you now…

Sunday October 24th 2010, Arsene Wenger’s school of players have just arrived at the City of Manchester

More pain for the Gooners?

Stadium and are preparing for the match when City’s team-sheet is revealed the include the midfield trio of Yaya Toure, Patrick Vieira, and Nigel de Jong. There’s was already enough consternation when Emmanuel Adebayor ambled into the ground, but this caused ruptions. Gael Clichy throwing up in the bogs, a returning Aaron Ramsey hysterically crying in the corner, this all while Denilson had a little accident on his perch.

There’s one team out of the top four, scared into submission by Mancini’s brutes.

That visit is pre-dated by champions Chelsea’s visit to the North West. This was a harder case to crack for Mancini, as attempts to buy both Didier Drogba, and John Terry, have been fruitless in recent times. What to do next then? What does Frank Lampard like more than a piece of Christine Bleakley? That’s right, a nice Chicken and Mushroom slice, complete with a Steak and Kidney for dessert. The plan? All advertising hoardings to feature Pukka Pies, along with the aroma being released into the changing room. Old Frankie wont be able to cope. Failing this just kidnap a load of them. They’ve got the money after all.

Next up. 10th November 2010.

The big one.

Home to Salford United.

Only really one solution here. Buy them. The Glazer’s money problems are well documented, and you can imagine the owners of the cross-city rivals are now pissed off enough with the fans that a purchase could be completed in time for November’s game, complete with the sacking of boss Alex Ferguson, to be replaced with rookie-boss Ricky Hatton.

Obviously I’ve missed out the mighty, mighty Tottenham but the manager’s ‘Arry Redknapp, and you can’t tell me that Roberto couldn’t negotiate some kind of transfer for points deal. How about Craig Bellamy for six points?

So it will remain to be seen what the Premier League has in store for Manchester City Football Club, but if they decide to embark on the route set out above then it could be an exciting season in more ways than one. It’s clear though, that if they follow the above then the owners could well be enthralled enough to stay on at the North West club.

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