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Everything Sepp Blatter touches turns to Gold

TAGs: 2010 world cup, fifa, Soccer

Sepp

Sexy Sepp!

As Sepp Blatter blunders around his offices in Switzerland following a World Cup he has deemed a success, today the FIFA/Coca-Cola World Rankings were produced and yet again they have surpassed themselves, England sit seventh for crying out loud. Read more.

For as long as I can remember FIFA have been producing these rankings, but for what reason? To satisfy the needs of fans who want to know the best team in the world at any given time? That’s what the World Cup’s for; a special competition held every four years to determine who’s the best. Don’t know if you’ve heard of it.

Maybe worst of all is the fact that the team who are top of these rankings rarely wins the tournament. Brazil entered South Africa as number one, exited in the quarters to eventual finalists Holland.

I’d also like to ask Sepp, FIFA, Coca-Cola, or whoever compiles these rankings whether they were drunk when they worked out that England should rise a place to seventh. Apart from being drunk all I can imagine is that Coca-Cola’s monthly gambling syndicate, obviously based outside of the United States, had hedged their bets on England moving up the rankings. That or someone or something added unnecessary numbers into whatever equation it is that works out this doolally data.

You thought you’d heard the worst though, but that was before you see the Castrol Index of the best player’s at this summer’s World Cup finals. Castrol proclaims that ‘The Castrol Index uses the same expertise that Castrol applies to the development of its oils using objective analysis and highly advanced technology to measure every pass, tackle and move on the field and assess whether it has a positive or negative impact on a team’s ability to score or concede a goal.’

So by that reckoning Sergio Ramos has qualities much like those coveted during the development of oil? I know he might be rather slimy when it comes to the ladies but that’s no reason to make a list with him, and a whole raft of Spanish players, in the top 10.

If you look down the list…now that’s when it starts to get very interesting.

Diego Forlan was awarded the World Cup’s Golden Ball as best player. It may not have been to everyone’s tastes

12th best in the world?

but he was mighty splendid during the four weeks of the tournament. His ranking: 46. Below such dignitaries as England’s Steven Gerrard, who is 39th, and Argentina’s defender Martin Demichelis. Surprising of all though is the man sitting at 12 in this index of greatness. The one, the only, Johnny Paint/Pant sil of Ghana. Sorry but what did he do that made him the 12th best player in the World, and how was he even Ghana’s best player?

Could you imagine Balco announcing a tie up with the MLB in which they publish a list of ‘Power Hitters’ based on their own data? Or the manufacturers of Robitussin announcing a list of their Top Ten Rap Stars? It doesn’t happen because, much like Castrol and football, these companies are not experts in the field.

No-one does farcical like FIFA though…

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