If certain sea creatures are to be believed, then there’s really no point in me writing this column, or even if I do write it then I may as well be completely pro-Spain, not even mentioning the home country of Paul the octopus. But why believe an octopus apart from the fact that he’s 5 and 0 so far, and has a growing list of admirers? He even layed the smack down on Calvin Ayre, and would probably beat Brock Lesnar into a pulp at this rate.
Live coverage of Paul being lowered into a tank was available, and as he chose the Spanish to win the tie the Luftwaffe were at the ready to give him a burial deep in the Black Forest for his betrayal against the motherland. Being chosen by the octopus isn’t all that’s going for Vicente del Bosque’s side though.
Spain are by far Germany’s toughest test in the tournament so far, and I still don’t think either side has faced a team with real world class pedigree so far. Alright, Germany have beaten England and Argentina along the way, neither was particularly good though. Argentina were hampered by a manager who may have been back on the happy pills were the defenders he selected anything to go by (is Nicholas Otamendi his dealer or something?), and England were well…England.
Jogi Low will pull on the blue cardy, now festering with lice and kicking off a right pong, to come up against nothing he’s seen so far this tournament, and all this without one of his side’s lynchpins, Thomas Muller. The likely replacement, waiting in his school uniform is Toni Kroos, who was a revelation for his school’s under-11 side last term, but has no experience at county level.
In addition to this, tournament top-scorer in waiting David Villa must be licking his lips at the prospect of Per ‘turning circle of an 18-wheel truck’ Mertesacker, and this could be where the Germans lose it. It wouldn’t be churlish to suggest that Spain could put four past the German goal machine.
Spain, meanwhile, are still contending with poor performances from Liverpool’s lady-boy export, Fernando Torres. Replacing him with Cesc Fabregas, however attractive it may be, would likely wreck the already fragile confidence of ‘El Niño’ turning him into just that: a kid. The Iberian country simply can’t let this happen. Togetherness is something that you associate with this current crop of players, and it not just because most of them play for Barca.
German football’s revival will continue, they’ve entertained at this tournament, but Spain could prove one step too far. At least they’ll get to do away with Paul the Octopus, and Jogi’s cardy. Or maybe they could even make the eight-legged fiend wear the cardy. That’s a worse punishment than being put to death!