Tiger needs a divorce, all right — from his agent

Bad advice. We’ve all received it. Hell, we’ve all given it, at one time or another. Calling it ‘just my two cents’ is often a gross overestimation of the value of such information. So imagine Tiger Woods’ chagrin when he contrasts those two cents with the 10-15% of his millions that his agent, Mark Steinberg, has pocketed over the years for dispensing some astoundingly bad advice.

For example, Steinberg recently turned up his nose at Bodog Brand’s 5-year/$100M ‘no morality clause’ offer because Bodog “does not represent what Tiger Woods wants to stand for.” Steinberg appears to be under the impression that all a broken vase requires to be restored to its former glory is a little Krazy Glue. Or that he can somehow select “undo” from some phantom computer menu and all memory of Tiger’s infidelities will magically disappear. It’s as if Tony Stark, having announced to the world “I am Iron Man” at the end of the first movie, opened the sequel by holding a new press conference to declare “Actually, I’m not Iron Man. Just kidding…?”

Sorry, Mark, but just like Pandora discovered, once the lid’s been lifted, there’s no getting the demons back inside the jar. However, just like Pandora discovered, there is one item that hasn’t yet escaped Tiger’s grasp. Hope.

While Tiger will never — repeat, never — be able to return to the warm and fuzzy character he portrayed in his previous incarnation as a TV spokesman, that doesn’t mean his endorsement well has dried up. All he needs to do is align himself with products, services and brands that reflect his new ‘bad boy’ image/reality. Like Bodog Brand. This will actually involve a lot less effort than his previous attempts at hiding his true nature. Like the song says, ‘all I gotta do is act naturally.” It’s why Courtney Love was so convincing playing a skanky, coke-addicted stripper/whore in The People Vs. Larry Flynt. She wasn’t acting.

But before Tiger can go down this route, he needs to stop the lying. See, it wasn’t the infidelity that got him into this mess, it was the lying. Tiger’s agents want him to tell new lies to cover up the old lies. The Bodog folks think this is would be a huge mistake. For one, continuing to live a lie renders him absolutely useless as a product spokesman — no sincerity, no sale. What’s more, Tiger must now understand that the truth always comes out in the end (and if he doesn’t realize this, he needs to Google “Jimmy Swaggart hooker” or “Marion Barry crack“).

Tiger’s agents have tried to convince their star client that he stands to lose something from entering into a truthful, unrepentant Bodog/Tiger alliance. Frankly, we don’t understand how they arrived at this conclusion. The L.A. Lakers certainly never had cause to regret their association with Bodog. Nor, for that matter, did the U.S. military. So Tiger need not fear his reputation will suffer as a result of embracing the Bodog Brand. On the contrary, it could be just the shot of credibility he so desperately needs.

All of this is why Steinberg’s rejection of Bodog’s offer is so incomprehensible, and why Tiger should seriously think about cutting him loose. In short, Tiger, buddy… Keep the skanks, lose the agent, take the Bodog deal.