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Punter’s week: Online bingo reaps no Prophet

TAGs: Betfair, Blue Square, punter's week, Wink Bingo

How to shoot pool in Lewisham

How to shoot pool in Lewisham

Crawled in at 4:37 this morning. Need to clear cobwebs, soot and the smell of lap dancers away before I can even begin to recall what happened this week. What did happen this week? Oh yeah – scraps of paper come to my rescue. Aha, this is what happened.

Sunday
Started the week in the cinema again watching the intense, but brilliant A Prophet; a film about prison violence and back-stabbing loosely based on the comings and goings of the Blue Square offices.

Monday
Had a winner with Miss Firefly in the first at Wolverhampton. Nothing spectacular, but handy. I decided to reinvest the money in something I hadn’t tried before. Yep, Bingo. So, off I went to the aptly named Wink Bingo and opened an account. God this is complicated. Started on a 2p tournament, I have no idea why. Purchased three cards – this is going to do my head in. Slowly more people joined the game, they started using abbreviated chat speak, I think I’m the only man here. Started to get a headache from the flashing lights. It’s all going wrong. People keep saying things like 3TG and 2TG. Help me. I finally woke up on the floor shaking like a leaf and decided to make myself a cup of tea. Football tomorrow.

Tuesday
In the FA Cup, Crystal Palace take on the team that talk funny. I go along to Selhurst Park for the first time in ages and boy is it worth it. With all the problems off the field at least Palace still play the best, most attractive football in Europe – when they’re playing Wolves anyway.

Wednesday
Start to pepper the golf markets again. I have backed J Singh, Lee Westwood, Paul Casey and Ross Fisher in Dubai and Brandt Snedeker, Dustin Johnson and Kevin Na in California. That should sort it. I back Singh, Westwood, Snedeker and Johnson in each-way cross doubles and we are set for another exciting, possibly life-changing weekend.

I log back onto Wink Bingo and after about an hour realise I am now addicted and my life is over. Coronation Street, chocolate biscuits and Celebrity magazines will be my future. As it is now only costing me £1.92 per game – this could take ages before I lose any serious money. 2TG. WTG. Etc. I’m buying the maximum of 96 cards. Lordy. Still can’t win.

Thursday
Betfair down briefly. I panic. It comes back again. I stop panicking. Golf bets matched… The future is bright.

Friday
Waste a lumpy bet on a nailed on ‘tip’ from a trader friend. Calfraz in the 2:45. It comes last apart from three other horses that have pulled up. I spend the rest of the day crawling around the beautiful pubs of SE London, ending up playing pool in a scary place in Lewisham. Win £20. Amazingly, I make it home alive.

Thought: why don’t bookmakers let you pay some kind of insurance for ante-post bets? I’d happily add say another 10% to my stake to stop me having to face the usual misery come the third week of March.

Had a dream that I was discussing skateboard wheels with Fuzzy Zoeler and Ray Wilkins. Ray doesn’t know what he is talking about. Kryptonics rock, everyone knows that.

Saturday
Lost £400 in the casino last night and then spent another £200 on lovely ladies that wanted to be my friend. Something to do with my lap. 2TG. Come on! Wink wink.

Running total after week 3: £-317

Added to the ante-post portfolio bets:
Torres – Top World Cup Scorer 12/1
Co-ordinated Cut – The Derby 33/1
Twice Over – Dubai World Cup 7/1 – Come on Henry.

Already advised bets
Horseracing
Go Native – Champion Hurdle 8/1
Long Run – RSA 6/1
Twist Magic – Champion Chase 12/1
Captain Cee Bee – The Arkle 8/1
Poquelin – Ryanair Chase 6/1
Kauto Star – Gold Cup 11/8
Shinrock Paddy – Albert Bartlett Novices 12/1

Football

Chelsea – Premier League 6/4
Bordeaux – Champions League 33/1
Barcelona – Champions League 3/1
Cardiff – Championship 25/1
Aston Villa – FA Cup 9/1
Lionel Messi – Champions League Topscorer 9/1
Didier Drogba – Premier League Top Scorer 6/1

Snooker
Ding Junhui – World Championship 12/1
Stephen Maguire – World Championship 14/1

To read Week 2’s entry click here.

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