I’ve always felt that the sexiest female sport is tennis, I’ll entertain arguments for beach volleyball, but tennis tops my list. From Ivanovic to Jankovic, from Sharapova to Serena, it’s a babefest. Today, Wozniaki defeated Sharapova to advance to the quaters, but watching the match inspired me…It inspired to rank the hottest babes in the US Open.

1. Maria Kirilenko
This fine girl came out of nowhere to top this list. She’s a budding young tennis player, and I’m sure we all look forward to seeing a lot, I mean plenty more of her, of course there those who’d give anything to drink her bathwater and they’re praying for a sex tape, one of her on the court, with flowers and rosepedals…Sickos.

2.Maria Sharapova
There are those that consider this downright blasphemous to place Maria Sharapova at second. But alas, it is so. I can understand how it wouldn’t be right if she wasn’t at the top of the list. She’s one of the richest sports women in the world, she dates basketball players, albeit, shitty ones, but she screams like a bandshe every time she strokes the balls. All honorable attributes, but she took a strike on dating a guy that calls himself the machines.

3. Jelena Jankovic
I know she’s considerably high, but she gets extra points for having the most outsanding body, and being able to do the splits while running at full speed towards the balls. That’s talent.

4. Anna Ivanovic
She’s cute, really cute, really fit and well, if you squint really hard after a couple of pints, she looks like the girl you took home that drunken night after a European Conference. Squint real hard and have another couple pints and you’ll see what I mean.

5. Maria Wozniacki
It’s kind of tough love that she’s the number one tennis player in the world, she just beat Sharapova, and yet, she finds herself at the bottom of this list. But Caroline Wozniaki is still super fine, and the fact that she’s number one and has been kicking ass all over the tour, says she’s bossy. We like bossy. In fairness, Jankovic may be overachieving, but We like sassy a little more.

But then your flat-mate brings home a straight-to-DVD film you didn’t know existed, let alone that they’re even selling the thing. It’s action, the special effects are rather shite, however, you recognise the guy who seems to be jumping through windows, biting off the top of a stick of dynamite, and getting the girl – he used to wrassle. That’s where they’ve gone and, save the odd comeback, that’s where they’re staying. A deal to convert movie stars to WWE stars is in the pipeline with the return of the buried alive match-up starring the Undertaker and Tom “the shitman” Cruise. It’s gonna be a good ole fashioned schlobber knocker Read more.

Um… that’s it? Personally, we were hoping Ray would take a slightly more confrontational stance, such as asking the interviewer where their tool was, then, when this was met with a puzzled look, Ray would whip out a metal rod, bellow “This fooking tool!” and carry on with the daddy-identifying duties. C’mon, Ray… For old time’s sake? Read more.

What are the odds that Spikes gets a hefty fine from Roger Goodell? I’d say pretty damn good. Here’s the thing, people shouldn’t be all that alarmed or up in arms about this. And guys, let’s not be quick to shake our heads at Spikes. In truth, if every dude had their secret sex tape released on the internet, let’s just say I’m willing to bet there’d be a serious traffic meltdown on the net. So let he who is without sex tape cast the first stone. And guys, find a better hiding spot than that shoe box in the closet. Read more.

Hey, the “it ain’t mine” defense worked to perfection when she was caught with weed in South Africa during the World Cup, so clearly it’s worth trying here. (“For the last time, it’s not a bong, it’s a fucking vuvuzela!”) The only question that remains is which of the big strapping men who were also in the Escalade is going to be confident enough in his masculinity to claim the little Louis Vuitton number was his own accessory.

While Paris’ impish and unrepentant smile in her latest mugshot will undoubtedly provoke all sorts of “bad role model” themes in this week’s Sunday sermons, she is a damn good role model if your goal is to build a strong worldwide brand. For anyone else, this could be a career-ending incident, but since Paris’ career consists of, well, being Paris, she will undoubtedly find a way to turn this to her advantage. Hey, if nothing else, she at least got the world’s media talking about something other than the Million (White) Man March in Washington. If that isn’t brand power, I don’t know what is. Read more.

Another thing, given her tremendous bust size it makes sense why Mariah doesn’t go by Mariah Cannon(s), but will her baby? The answer to that question should be…It DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER.

Nobody likes a stripper or whore with loose lips…Wait, let me rephrase that, nobody likes a working girl that talks about her clients. Of course it’s not exactly the most reputable career choice, but there should be some client-whore confidentiality, no? I don’t know what happened but the unspoken laws of being a groupie, call girl, or stripper are slowly deteriorating. I think some of the blame lands with Tiger Woods, though maybe indirectly. The mistresses of Woods received way too much attention and money for their stories and now it seems every call girl who ever slept with a celebrity has a story to tell.

People used to not care about the memoirs of a ho. Don’t get me wrong, I watched Pretty Woman, twice, and I love the rippers just as much as the next man. Everytime I’m in Vegas I make sure to visit the Sapphire Nightclub, which is more like the Olympics of stripping. But you know that cat that falls in love with the stripper? I’m not talking about T-Pain, I’m talking about that other cat, the “Mr. Captain save a Ho” who melts on his first lap dance and starts asking all the wrong questions like ” How did you end up a stripper?” and “How much did I just give you”? That’s the guy you see who is not really getting a lap dance, rather, he just has some stripper sitting on his lap telling him her life story, while, of course he’s paying for it. Worse yet, that guy never takes that girl home, it actually ends up being the easiest money she makes that night. We all know that cat, I’m usually the cat beside that cat laughing my ass off while a sexy vixen from Cuba shows me what she’s working with. Problem is, that guy and millions others are wrecking the code.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually feel sorry for rich celebrities that are getting trim from working girls these days, because their business and the business is quickly becoming public knowledge and that’s a damn shame.

Keith Pedrana risked losing his wife, his house and his family business for a vision. His vision was to buy a retired greyhound named after Aussie cricketer Brett Lee. Despite breeding experts calling him crazy, Pedrana forked out $830K for the dog in 2002. Since then, that Hail Mary has paid off, according to Pedrana, Brett Lee has earned more than $15 million in stud fees. Pedrana’s willingness to risk it all to follow his vision has continued to benefit him and his family in a very lucrative way and his story is likened to the modern day Jack and the Beanstalk. Read more.

After negotiating her way around the muff of the prison system, LiLo has no made her way out of rehab in time to begin her work as an ambassador for the Bodog brand. Better make sure any event she attends there’s plenty of mocktails on hand, otherwise she wont be ambassador for long. Although it would be kinda funny to see how deep down and dirty she is on that sizzurp. Read more.

Big Brother, the finale of which was last night, has been given a stay of execution for 18 days so that they can crown the Ultimate Big Brother. At this moment ‘legends’ from the world of Big Brother are vowing to become the best contestant ever, but it’s much more fun to speculate about the amount of trouble that could potentially kick off. Thank god for John McCririck. Read more.

So it looks like Ochocinco has won the race between him an TO as to who will get fined first. How about round 2, who will get fined the most? Odds anyone?

What course the film will follow no one yet knows, but it’s tricky to see how they’ll be able to fit in all the failed products of the past and whether or not Android will have fallen by the wayside by the time the film reaches its scheduled release. The two companies have grown almost simultaneously but in very different ways, so the films are likely to have very different backdrops. You imagine Sergiy Brin and Larry Page sitting down for hour upon hour of coffee breaks, whereas Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook parties wildly. One thing’s clear though, there’s unlikely to be a camper photo than the one accompanying the story of the Google Movie on the Guardian’s website.

Of course Google and Facebook are the star names of the internet, but there’s far more entertaining stories to be found in the merky depths of the darkest internet.

How about a film chronicling Chat Roulette – that would be quite something. Just think of it this way – it would cost sod all to make as you could just sift through all kinds of footage from the site, interview the creators, and even get involved on the site yourself. I’ll just be off the patents office to lock down that idea then.

Although all these movies about parts of the Internet are good, here at Calvinayre.com we think it might be a bit more fun to have a film charting the online gaming industry. What could be more fun than seeing the rise of sites, personalities, the party lifestyle, and even a sequel predicting the future of the industry?

Bwin and PartyGaming’s merger could make it to a straight to DVD offering, as some kind of X-Factor style contest where Bwin eventually renege on their original position to accept to immensely talented, but aesthetically flawed, PartyGaming in order to create a behemoth to challenge the US gaming market. Call Simon Cowell now.

Obviously any film about the gaming industry wouldn’t be complete without Calvin Ayre, but as a Hollywood blockbuster it’s likely a blue-chip actor would be needed to play the man himself. Tom Cruise, maybe? Or even Calvin playing himself would not be beyond the realms of possibility. Leicester Square and LA get the red-carpets laid, the VodBulls on ice, and the bikini-clad beauties at the ready. Would be better than the Google Brin and Page love-in anyday. Can’t imagine those two Gamblin’, Drinkin’, and Carryin’ on.