How to Fight off a Bear

You can never really tell where your travels will take you as an
industry professional. Your career in the gambling industry prepares you for many of life’s challenges, including working with a serious
hangover, juggling multiple girlfriends/boyfriends, mixing business with pleasure, being professional when required and personable when it’s time to let loose, among many more attributes. But there are certain instances that your career just can’t prepare you for. That’s where we come in to have your back. As they say, preparation is key, and those who fail to plan, plan to fail. Consider the following scenario:

You have met a beautiful young lady, who for you first real date, that
is aside from that night at the casino lounge…She decides the two of
you will go for a picnic in the forest. It sounds like a good idea,
some one on one time with a beautiful lady in a secluded beautiful
place, so you agree. As you walk along, she tells you there’s a lake a
few miles ahead and that she loves to go skinny dipping. Despite your
worries about the temperature of the water and resulting shrinkage that may occur, you wholeheartedly agree. En route to the lake in the forest you encounter a large Grizzly Bear, what do you do?

I’ll tell you right now, if you’re thinking run away like you stole something, you can be sure your date is bear food, unless she’s a faster that you, in which case, you’re a deadman. Either way, running will probably leave you both as top soil. Contrary to popular belief, you can’t outrun a bear, not unless your name is Usain Bolt, and even he’d need a hundred meter headstart and his chances would still be slim. Grizzly bears can reach speeds of up to 30 to 35 Mph, the question is can you?

One swipe from a Grizzly paw can cleave your head clean off your shoulders. Their claws are like sharp knives and yes, they will eat you. So what do you do? The Fight or Flight response in your body is automatic, for some of us, our first reaction is run like the dickens, for others, we get charged up and our first reaction is to fight, both can get you killed when you’re up against a Grizzly. As I said earlier, preparation is the key.

Always carry Bear Detterent Pepper Spray when you’re in Bear country and have it easily accessible for use, bear attacks happen in the blink of an eye, so you don’t want to be fishing through your knapsack while you and your lady are being mauled to pieces. If a Grizzly bear is about to attack you, don’t run, don’t panic, don’t scream, don’t lie still, don’t play dead or you will be, instead, fight back with everything you’ve got. Pepper spray the shit out that Bear, let that Alpha male in you come out. Make loud metallic noise. Use an air horn. Shine lights in the bears eyes. Temporarily blind the bear with the flash of the camera you were planning on using to film that sex tape. Use any deterrent you brought with you. Unload on the bear with everything you have. Anything goes. Use whatever physical resistance you can! If it gets the upper hand on you, do your best to cover your head and thing of all the good times you had gamblin, drinkin and carryin on when you were alive.

I want to say that at the end you should be okay, that the bear will concede defeat at the hands of a superior being, but I can’t guarantee you’ll survive. But, you will have gone down with a fight on your feet instead of on your knees which if we all had our way is the way we’d like it to go down. Most bears don’t want to eat humans, they’re just protecting their young, their territory or their personal space, if you play your cards right the beast will run away and you’ll be left standing there with your heart in your throat and your lady friend calling you a hero. Just put your hands on your hips and stick your chest out and thank us later.

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