From Microsoft to mega-troll: Paul Allen sues the world

Microsoft-Paul-Allen-TrollOkay… what is with all those multi-billionaires who so generously agreed to give away their fortunes to charity? First Oracle’s Larry Ellison hedged his bets by suing Google’s Android for alleged intellectual property infringement, now Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen is suing, well, everybody.

Apple, Google, Facebook, eBay, AOL, Netflix, Office Depot, OfficeMax, Staples, Yahoo and YouTube have all been put on notice that they copied Mr. Allen’s homework and unless they each buy him a candy bar during recess, he’s going to tell the teacher. Curiously, while the patents in question could conceivably be applied against any company with an online presence, noticeably absent from Allen’s hit list are his former homeboys Microsoft and Seattle-based Amazon, so clearly, in Allen’s mind, some infringers are more equal than others.

The burning question on everyone’s minds is, exactly what could have possessed Allen to go from tech titan to patent troll? Personally, we think Paul’s gone over onto the attack to compensate for the godawful performance put on so far this pre-season by the (Allen-owned) Seattle Seahawks’ defense – the starters have ONE sack, for fuck’s sake – and everyone knows that the best defense is a good offense. Read more.