Punters week: Jacobson gives cause for Kant imperative
Jacobson: enough to drive you cream crackers
There are times in every golf punter’s life when you have to simply say “Fucking cunt!” It is a weary and painful loyalty – week after week contemplating, researching and ultimately losing. The hope springs eternal. There is always the chance that the 33/1 and 50/1 £10 each-way double will cop and make everything alright; much better chance than winning a portion of the lottery. But week after week, just like Eastenders, the show goes on and the misery continues. I need an allotment, somewhere to hide away.
There was a moment when I thought Fredrik Jacobson was going to stab me in the back, the leg, the balls and the neck. He had an inkling that I hadn’t backed him and decided to try and punish me; thankfully the son of the cream cracker maker fucked it up in his usual style.
Luckily the football season is now all but over. Ante-post success via Drogba and Chelsea, plus more to come in the guise of Messi; a small helping of money-love in an otherwise despairing mud pool of hung parliaments and impending bankruptcy. I love the UK. Well, I love the pubs, the music and the drugs. Same thing.
Anyway – the Players Championship won by Tim Clark didn’t help matters, even though I managed to get a small saver on him at 30s, I still cried out “Fucking cunt!” and scared the cat at the same time. My huge fancies: Watney, Mickelson, Ames, Choi and Stenson all blew up at different stages although Watney did give me a bit of a semi going into the third day.
The European event won by Hed, ironic, as he has rather a bald hed, was as exciting as watching bushes grow. My nap of Maybin ended up in the May Bin. Anyway, on to the week that was and the week that shall be. The week will inherit the month.
Monday
Woke up still dreaming of palaces made from crystal. A chandelier of a football club. A martini glass amongst tumblers. A purring cat amongst dead ones on the edge of the road. Went out, played snooker, drank lager, smoked fags and wasted cash in the roulette machine of a bookies in Kings Cross. I’m cross.
Tuesday
A day in the pub discussing Kant’s categorical imperative. We denoted an absolute, unconditional requirement that we drink lager and therefore lager is law. Everyone nodded in agreement and decided it was our imperfect duty.
Wednesday
Down the bookies to clear up at Chester. Chester cleared up, but I managed to pick up a few quid on Jarvis’ two winners in the last two races. Thank buggery. It all helps. A few dog/horse doubles late into the night ruined the buggery. Got my golf bets ready. Ready steady. Beddy.
Thursday
Was extremely happy to get matched at 70 on Watney. Piled some more into him, and then peppered all the others. Stick him, Stenson and Maybin in each-way doubles, rubbed my hands, sighed and thought of all the things I would spend my winnings on.
Friday
An afternoon in the old pub in Hatton Garden. Ye know the one. Got home and watched Stenson crash out of the Players.
Saturday
A day of culture… went to the Barbican and saw designer Ron Arad’s work then caught Four Lions in the cinema. A truly well made film about the madness that is at the heart of different cultures, the simple folk that live within them and the superiority that everyone clings too. It was a truly moving, funny poignant film. Then went to a pub and got wasted. I love culture.
Sunday
Lunch, a pint and back home to watch the Players pan out. It panned out. Managed to sneak a saver on Clark just in time. Match of the Day. Bed.
Running total after Week 15: £2,815
I’m adding Rite of Passage at 25/1 for the Ascot Gold Cup to the portfolio. Impressive over hurdles (came third to our nap Peddlars Cross at Cheltenham), he is really a flat horse with the Melbourne Cup in mind. Destroyed the field at Leopardstown in November in a decent handicap. Will win the Gold Cup.
Ante-post portfolio:
Horse Racing
Kieron Fallon – Jockey Championship 7/2
Rite of Passage – Ascot Gold Cup 25/1
Co-ordinated Cut – The Derby 33/1
Football
Lionel Messi – Champions League Topscorer 9/1
Torres – Top World Cup Scorer 12/1
Anelka – Top World Cup Scorer 80/1
Chelsea – Premier League 6/4
Didier Drogba – Premier League Top Scorer 6/1
For last week’s offering, click here.
If you have any further information related to this story that you would like to share with us privately please click here.
Can't get enough CalvinAyre.com? Follow us on Twitter and Facebook, then you'll never miss out on the latest gaming industry news.
Views and opinions expressed are those of the Author and do not necessarily reflect those of CalvinAyre.com
Loading ...
