Who likes Ryanair?

Bo DaDogg
March 16, 2010
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ryanairHands up who likes Ryanair? Their flights leave at ridiculously early hours, invariably land at airports miles away from anywhere and the way they herd passengers on board is enough to turn you vegetarian.

And don’t get me started on their overpriced sandwiches, their ‘smoke-free’ cigarettes and that annoying fackin’ song they play whenever they land on time as if arriving when they’re supposed to is some sort of world record – though considering the way hey treat their passengers I s’pose it is.

I even once won a free flight with them in a raffle – only to find that it was one-way and had to be used within the next 30 days. They don’t ‘arf know how to make you feel great and then crush your spirit in double-quick time. They take taking the piss to all new levels, quite literally, like when they threatened to charge customers for using the toilet. I know where I’d have done my business if they’d have tried that one on.

So I have every sympathy with the man who won £8,000 on a scratchcard only to be driven so fackin insane during the course of the flight that he ended up eating it.

At least I would have, if this wasn’t just a cheap PR scam by Ryanair to publicize the fact that they serve food (Ritz-priced pizzas and paninis) and that they will donate the £8,000 to charity.

“Yesterday’s events prove that while Ryanair’s scratchcards offer large cash prizes they clearly taste great too,” blathered a PR spokesmonkey last week. “Crew tried to stop the air Gourmet Scratch Card eater by offering him one of our great tasting sandwiches, pizzas or snacks instead, but clearly he had much more expensive tastes.”

Like the grub they serve and the service they provide this airline is enough to make you Tom Dick. So don’t travel Lyin’ Air, people. Everything about them is cheap, apart from their fackin sarnies.

Now all I need to do is find a rich chancer with money to burn on a classy airline. For some reason Calvin Air has a nice ring to it…

Views and opinions expressed are those of the Author and do not necessarily reflect those of CalvinAyre.com
Tags: Article, Bo Dadogg, ryanair
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