When is being too drunk NOT an excuse?

John Blaise
February 28, 2011
2 Comments

Too drunk? Too bad. That’s the ruling an appeals judge handed down for a Kentucky man who borrowed $75K from a casino while he was drunk out of his mind. The court ruled that the man didn’t prove sufficiently that he did not know what he was doing.

This is a tough one. On one hand, you understand how this could have happened. Sure, the guy is still a few cards short of a full deck to be gambling that hard when he’s that drunk, but you can understand how it happened to him if he was blackout drunk. Ahh the drunk the gambler…

On the other-hand, if you’re blackout drunk, do you really have the countenance to successfully borrow $75K from the casino? You should barely be able to walk and talk, let alone conduct a financial transaction of that magnitude. And if he’d won, would he return the money? No chance.

But it does beg the question, what type of things are still inexcusable even if you’re pissed out of your tree?

We know there are many things that can be excused and filed under the “well I was too drunk” category. But there’s just some things that being too drunk is not a decent enough excuse for, here’s a few:

Getting into a car accident- being too drunk is not reasonable excuse for that, ever.

Giving birth- I’m fairly certain it’s quite unacceptable for a mother in labour to be unable to give birth because she’s too drunk.

Sexual assault- Not even close. Just ask Big Ben Roethlisberger, and he has a Super Bowl ring, what do you have?

Failing to perform during a threesome- Failing to be able to perform during some one on one action because you’re too wasted is painful enough. The natural threesome, that is, the random phenomena of two girls you’ve just met wanting to have sex with you at the same time for free, is a mythical beast for most men. As such, failing to seal the deal and disappointing two beautiful women because you were to drunk, is not only unacceptable, but in some circles that’ll cost you your man card.

Soldiers reporting for duty on the front line- Guess this one goes without saying.

“Accidentally” having same sex, sex. –No. Never excusable under the pretence of being too drunk, your just gay dude, accept it.

Sexual encounters with animals- Absolutely not. At least, not outside of the Dakotas.

Airline pilots crashing planes- Usually don’t live long enough to even give this excuse, but if they did, it would be unacceptable.

Sleeping with your bestfriend’s girl- Sorry, this is in the first chapter and the first page of the man code. Under no circumstance is this ever okay guys, no matter how many jello shooters you’ve had and no matter who’s sleeping bag you thought you were climbing into on that weekend camping trip.

Did I miss any? What do you think? What are some things that you just can’t do even if you’re too drunk? Any words of wisdom you would like to lend to your brethren would be appreciated!

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Tags: alcohol, Article, Drinking, drunk gambler
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