How to survive the holidays Home Alone
Not all of us have the opportunity this Christmas and holiday season to go home or have family visit. Perhaps you’re swamped by work, perhaps you’ve used up all your vacation time on that extended Philippines trip after you met Eunice, the happy massage girl with the foot fetish…
As industry professionals, we go where the work is, where the lifestyle may take us, sometimes that could mean spending Christmas in Gibraltar, London, France, or somewhere that may be far away from a place where everybody knows your name. It’s not easy, but here’s some ways to spend the holidays alone without killing yourself.
Netflix- Movies on demand for a cheap price, there’s nothing like a funny movie to take your mind off slitting your wrists, or taking a pellet gun to Christmas carolers.
Load up on Christmas booze- Christmas booze is a lot happier and merrier than other holiday types or regular booze. Getting drunk off eggnog and brandy, is a lot different than getting ripped off Jack and Coke, you can tell that from the sweet vanilla and nutmeg aroma of your belches. Apple cider, hot or cold is another fantastic elixir to take the edge off during the holiday season, a couple gallons of that stuff and you’ll forget all about how those gifts with your name on it underneath that fake tree, were wrapped and packaged by YOU for YOU and from YOU.
No Turkey? No problem- Many years ago, visionaries created something that has been saving the lives of single men for years, it’s called Hungry Man Dinners, and there’s a Hungry Man Turkey Dinner with your name on it this Christmas. Who needs Mama’s and homemade stuffing, and Auntie Felicia’s secret recipe for Marshmallow candy yams, pfft! Fuck that noise, Hungry Man peas, carrots, some generic gravy and some slabs of white turkey meat is all you need for a top notch Christmas feast. You might want to wash it down with a six pack…of 40′s.
Invite some working girlfriends friends- You don’t have to spend the holiday season alone, at least for one night or two, invite over some working girlfriends to spread some holiday cheer. To clarify, by “working girlfriends” I mean hookers and strippers with merry names like Holly, Sassy Clause and of course, Slutmas, you know the girls that know how to party and liven up the holidays, for a fair remuneration of course. Tis the season to be jolly, and nothing makes you more so, than a holiday gang-bang. Me personally, I stay away from the S&M girls around this time, that’s season’s beatings I’ll pass on.
But that’s me, if you’re into that kinky, fetish stuff, then go all out, it’s Christmas, treat yourself right. Call up Ebony Scrooge and the Dirty hosts of Sexmas past, Sexmas Present and Sexmas future triplets and have them whip the shit out of ya before they slip you an enema.
Just because you’re alone, doesn’t mean this Christmas can’t be one for the ages.
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