How to Chug a Beer

I know what you’re thinking, you’re a pro, you already know how to drink beer, maybe so, but do you know exactly how to chug a beer? It’s one thing to down a beer, anyone can do that. But to truly chug a beer takes some technique and in some ways some talent. Furthermore, the ability to chug a beer in many instances is a necessity.

How many times have you been in the situation where you brought too many beers for the road, you know, ‘travellers’, you get the club and you realize, you can’t bring that in there! Chug it. Too many times it’s in that instant where the men are separated from the boys. You know the cat I’m talking about, the cat that takes one mighty and rather pitiful gulp and then discards the 3/4 can of perfectly fine, smooth, lager, and pretends like nobody saw that… A party foul of the worst kind. There are those out there whose manhood is continually questioned due their lack of ability to chug a beer. If that’s you, here’s your manhood back, and you’re welcome.

You see, chugging beer, when done correctly, is an art form. Like anything else to be a true chugging master, practice makes perfect. If you can’t handle your liquor, then my dear lightweight friend practice with water… Rule number one, avoid at all costs chugging a warm beer, reserve that for the pro’s or once you’ve reached an advanced stage of chugging. Warm beer in your stomach means foam coming out of your nose if you’re not careful.

Prep Work
So before you begin chugging there’s some prep work you should do. If it’s a can, tap that bad boy a couple of times to release some of the carbon dioxide, if it’s a bottle or glass just tap it on the table, it accomplishes the same thing, and it adds to the moment if you do it smoothly.

Gauge your objective, visualize
Stare it down, wrap your mind around what you’re about to do, convince yourself that you have this. It’s like shooting a free throw, you have to see yourself making it before you shoot.

Posture up
What did your momma tell ya! Stand up straight, you can even beat your chest first for effect. Tilt your head back expand your chest, and take in about a half breath just before the beer hits your throat and swallow when it hits your throat. Just like you tell your girl, take your own advice… Open your mouth wide! Essentially, when you’re chugging you’re not actually drinking, in a way, your guzzling, think of a funnel, just let that beer drain down your throat. If it’s a can crush the can from the base to push out the beer faster.

Champion Stance
In an flash it’s over, victory is yours! After you’ve successfully chugged the beer, go ahead and slam that can down and look everyone in the eye as you take up your champion stance. Once you perfect this, you’ll find you’ll be standing in that champion stance alone while your friends play catch up. That’s when you stroll off and yell, over your shoulder, “Hurry up ladies”.

For those who learn better visually, those who spent most of their time in the hallway in HS, here’s a vid.

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